Art of crazy

It was one of those autumn Sundays when you really don't want to get out of bed. Rain and dark clouds outside, the wind blowing... an empty apartment and the start of the academic year intensify the suffering, especially after the party the night before. Yes, yesterday's party at Marcin's... A smile spread across my face. I finally met Marlena... Yes, the famous Marlena from art history. A beautiful, leggy brunette with big eyes...

I remember everyone always dreaming of her, even though the circulating opinions didn't indicate any difficulty in capturing this beautiful creature. However, I decided to fascinate her with something other than directness. So when she tried to drag me to an empty room in Marcin's apartment, I declined. She was surprised, but I also knew I'd impressed her. Otherwise, she wouldn't have taken my phone number. She hadn't asked anyone in our department for it.

I sat down at the computer, which had been working hard all night so that I could watch the latest blockbuster that evening. Something flickered alarmingly at the bottom of the screen. A message. I must have forgotten to turn off that damn chatterbox yesterday, and someone was trying to contact me… as if they didn't know me, because I never handle serious matters via instant messaging! And I was right. An unfamiliar number. I was about to turn the intruder off without reading, but the opening caught my attention. Not some simple "hello" or "where are you clicking from?" "

We know each other. We really do. We went to elementary school together. I know it sounds biased, but I really need you. Basia."

I was surprised. Even if she was lying, it was a minimally intriguing lie. The message had been sent less than an hour earlier; maybe it was still there.

"Needed? For what?" I decided to ask, and headed to the kitchen in search of food. A moment later, I heard the sound of an incoming reply.

"I won't take much of your time, I just wanted to contact Aneta Kowalik. You went to high school together, so I thought you might have her current number or address." I searched my memory for Aneta's face without success. So if I didn't recognize her by name, I probably didn't have her number either.

"I'm sorry, I can help you... But if you tell me what class, profile, or department she was in, I might be able to arrange something."

Unfortunately, the mysterious Basia didn't know anything more; she didn't even have a picture. I didn't even think to ask why she was looking for her, since she knew nothing about her. I simply asked how she got my number. She fell silent for a long moment, then said a quick "hello and sorry for the trouble," before disappearing.

Strange girl. I wrote down her number, just in case I could contact her if Aneta suddenly came back to me.

I met Marlena maybe twice. Both times were completely platonic. All the subsequent times were practically devoid of verbal communication. Was she that great in bed? Probably not. She was beautiful, but she wasn't inventive; she did everything mechanically. At first, of course, it didn't bother me, but after a while, I got a little bored with her. A doll, though different from the typical ones who worry about their hair or makeup. There was something about Marlena that wouldn't let me break off the friendship, but on the other hand, I couldn't be with her. She barely said a word; when I asked her a question, her answers were short and quiet. I wondered why. I decided to figure her out.

From time to time, I also talked to Basia. She was the odd one out. She usually sat in front of the monitor very early in the morning, after I'd come home from a party and gone to bed, or in the evenings, when you should be going out. She talked a lot. She had a fantastic sense of humor and could get back at me for any nasty remark. She also had a gigantic imagination.

She never described her appearance to me, never sent me a photo, even though I tried every possible way to persuade her. That's why the image of her in my head took on a different form each time. Sometimes I thought she was short, with gray hair, gray eyes, small lips, sitting in her dorm or at home, studying. She had few friends, raised on romance novels and "Anne of Green Gables," looking for a prince on a white horse. But deep down, I hoped that when we met, she would turn out to be a beautiful, perfect girl, a model studying, and therefore so busy.

Only, every time I suggested a trip together, she would change the subject or have to quickly "run to the store for some important purchase." Sure. At 4:20 from Sunday to Monday...

Once, when I insisted, it was a sunny Saturday afternoon. Probably one of the last this fall.

"Imagine us walking together in the park now, people walking dogs and children all around us, and we just silently admired the colorful leaves. Those on the ground and those still on the trees." You know: yellow, brown, red, and green. They fall to the ground, forming carpets along the paths… I laughed to myself as I read this monologue. “…suddenly I bend down and throw handfuls of these leaves, picked up from the grass, at you. I start running, you chase me, we try to catch each other by walking around the trunk of a large tree. Finally, you succeed, we fall together onto this colorful carpet and, to put it simply, roll around on it for a while. And then…” she interrupted suddenly. “…I’m going. See you sometime.”

I tried to stop her somehow, but to no avail. She had a great idea. She presented it to me beautifully. I wanted to go for a walk with her, but with each passing day it seemed more and more impossible. I thought maybe I could take Marlena… no. She wouldn’t understand. She would probably laugh at me. But then again, maybe she was a romantic…?

But I abandoned that plan; it seemed stupid to me. I thought it was stupid to me. And I kept asking myself why Basia didn't want to meet me? We knew each other... and she studied in the same city... maybe she uses a wheelchair? Maybe she has diabetes and is so fat she can't leave the house alone? Maybe she doesn't have money for fashionable clothes, and I keep telling her about our next escapades to different parts of the country, the parties, the expensive entertainment, and the sports we do...? My mind was spinning. I knew one thing: she was afraid of something.

"Yes, I am," she replied to my very general question. "I'm afraid of very high heights. I'm afraid of water because I'm not a good swimmer. And I'm afraid of men."—finally! Maybe someone had once taken her to bed under the guise of great love and then left...?

"Why men?

" "Why don't you ask about heights?" she added with a twinkle at the end of her sentence. "Because, you see, men only care about one thing." – I wanted to deny it, because it wasn't always and not only that… but I decided to hear her out to the end so I could crush her with my counterarguments. – I'm not saying it was conscious. It's just how they are. That's why you shouldn't treat them any differently. Besides, they're capable of hurting like no one else.

– Has anyone ever really hurt you?

– "Hurt"? Hmmm… every day. Everyone's killing my faith in people.

– "Everyone"? – I was surprised. The theory about not having friends shattered. What else would I learn today?

– "Everyone."

Then she disappeared. For two weeks. During that time, I was dating Marlena. I asked her what she was afraid of. She didn't answer. She just looked sadly at me and busied herself with unbuttoning my zipper. I sighed deeply.

A few days later, she asked me why I was dating her. I couldn't answer her directly. That it was nice to have someone to sleep with permanently. Because we weren't a couple. Each of us had other friends, sometimes we even passed them in the doorway. And it didn't bother me at all. Neither did she, I guess.

I decided to do everything I could to get Basia to meet me. I even asked her what she wanted in return. And she again presented me with the vision of us walking through the old town, amidst falling snowflakes. This time without chasing or throwing. As we walked, we hummed a Christmas carol. And then I bought her a rose from a street vendor. We sat on a bench, hugging each other tightly, against the cold.

Snow was falling outside, large flakes forming a thick layer of powder on the roofs of the lower buildings opposite my apartment.

And again those questions. Why was she changing the subject, why didn't she want to…

I stepped out into the cold January air. She hadn't spoken for the past few days; I suspected she'd gone away for some New Year's Eve celebration. Meanwhile, I tried to talk to Marlena. I asked what people were up to, what she was reading, why art history. She'd respond reluctantly, citing fatigue or saying, "It's a waste of time to talk." I was beginning to see the futility of this friendship. It meant nothing. She—Marlena, and she—the friendship. It was just a physiological function, like eating or sleeping. I was beginning to understand…

Once again, she'd avoided answering the question "when?" This time it was spring. Late spring. In her dreams… in my dreams, we were running through the rain in a meadow. She was in some dress, with water running down her body… And then she disappeared again for a while.

On our way back from a party, we crashed into a tree. Łukasz shouldn't have been drinking before getting in the car, but none of us paid much attention.

In the hospital, I was visited by family, friends, Marlena… Every time I saw a strange face in the hallway, I hoped it was Basia. That she had found me and come, finally…

I asked Marcin to inform her of the situation. Along with the hospital address.

I received flowers. Lilies of the valley. And a note, printed on the computer, wishing her a speedy recovery. In the PS, she added that she missed talking to me.

As soon as I recovered, I started looking for her at universities, asking about "Basia." But none of them were chatting on Gadu. I put ads in the newspapers, asked all my friends if they knew her number… Hell! I even found Aneta! And what did it turn out? She didn't know anyone named Basia. She didn't go to school with anyone, and she didn't remember her from elementary school either.

Marlena had less and less time for me. She didn't even bother explaining. Sometimes I'd just get a text message with the time. I was fine with that arrangement, too. Although I devoted myself entirely to finding Basia. I even told Marlena, but she just smiled. She smiled beautifully. Why didn't she do it more often? Yes, indeed, her mouth was more often occupied with other things.

"Basia, maybe someone took advantage of you once, I...

" "You would have done it too.

" "I... never! No..." I hesitated. Marlena. What else do I do every time we meet? "It would be different with you.

" "Exactly.

" "Let's meet.

" "No.

" "Why?

" "You don't want that.

" "I don't care what you look like. I think about you all the time. You're in my head. I confuse my friends' names with yours. I'm looking for you and I just went crazy, you know? It doesn't matter if you're short or tall, with big breasts or not, if you've had chemotherapy and no hair, if you have several siblings... I don't care. I want to be with you, no matter what..." I got carried away. No, it wasn't desperation. More like... have I fallen in love?

" "I have to go. Bye."

Furious, I called Marlena. I told her everything. After a moment of silence, she gave me the time.

I kept thinking about Basia. And how unfair I was to her. Every time I saw Marlena.

That day, we made love differently. I imagined it was Basia. That we would fall asleep together, that I wouldn't have to look for her anymore. At the climax, I unconsciously whispered her name. "Basia." Marlena froze. I didn't explain. Did it hurt her that much? Why the tears in her eyes? I got dressed and left without a word. I knew it wouldn't take much to drive me completely crazy.

A message from Basia flashed on the screen: "Call me when you're ready."

"Excuse me, beautiful..."

"I'll be at your place in 10 minutes."

I gasped. How did she know the address? What had happened to make her change her mind?

I hadn't even had time to wash off Marlena's scent. Anyway, never mind. A knock on the door. Not the bell.

I quickly opened the door.

"What are you doing here…?" I asked, confused. Marlena stood outside the door.

"I came. You've been trying to convince me to meet for a year.

" "…what…?" I choked out .

"Basia, it's me." She replied calmly, looking into my eyes.

After a moment, I understood. It exceeded my wildest expectations. A girl with Basia's mind and character, combined with Marlena's body and abilities… unheard of.

"But… why…?

" "I wanted someone to see more than just my body."

"Why were you seeing me at the same time? Why didn't you want to talk…?" I tried to understand.

"I watched you change. I wanted to be sure.

" "And the others?" I asked after a moment of silence.

"There weren't any others. All this time. Not many before either. Gossip and opinion work wonders." She continued standing in the doorway. She didn't even try to come in. She was sure I'd throw her out. "I'm glad it's ending this way. I really had you, at least for a while." Don't ruin my reputation now." She smiled sadly and turned to leave.

"You don't think I'm going to let you go now, do you?

And I was right to keep her. Otherwise, I would have missed out on the best sex of my life."