The Necromancer's Cry

 

I don't know why I'm writing these words. Perhaps I feel a need for someone to read them in the future and learn the story of my life. I can't pinpoint where this need comes from. Is there a remnant of humanity left in me? I know my end is near; I have little time left in the physical dimension. When I look back on my life, my mind is flooded with reflection and regret. An unspeakable regret. Where does this feeling come from? It stems from all the choices and their consequences that have occurred in my life. These choices have brought me here, to a place that evokes terror in many people. This place has become my home, but only now do I realize that it has, in reality, become a prison for me. I was rejected by people. The practices I engaged in aroused fear in them. I was a necromancer living in a vast necropolis. Why did I become a dark magician, devout in necromancy? Do you want to know why I almost lost my humanity and allowed my body to become like my dead servants rising from their graves?

It all began in my youth. I wasn't a simple youth, and I systematically got involved in more and more robberies. These weren't major crimes, but rather petty thefts and fights. I often got punched in the face by my father. However, it was to no avail; it only intensified my disobedience. With my misdeeds, I drove my mother to illness, which in turn led to her death. This event sobered me from my youthful foolishness, and led my father to alcoholism. I decided to change. Really change. I must admit, it's not easy to break free from old habits so deeply ingrained in me. I undertook a difficult, psychological battle with myself and managed to become a different person. Soon, my father was found in a roadside ditch. He had drank himself to death. That's how I became an orphan. I sank into despair, but fate wouldn't let me end up like my father. I became a legionnaire. I wanted to drown all my sorrow in the shed blood of the enemy. It was a time of great battles, of changes on the continent. I had no time to contemplate my miserable fate. I devoted myself to killing in the name of higher ideals, which I didn't fully understand. I made no friends; I was a loner. I don't know what others thought of me; frankly, I didn't care. It wasn't easy. People died by the thousands. Life lost all the respect it deserved. I fought in many battles against creatures whose races I can't even identify. I felt invincible; it seemed to me I was practically immortal. The experience and self-confidence I gained allowed me to become a centurion, and then a thousandth. I proudly led my troops and won. My enemies feared me. Legends were born about me. I became a powerful, undefeated commander, raised to the rank of Titan. At that time, Aidegart appeared. When I first saw her, something stirred within me. A part of me that had been suppressed during years of battle awoke. I fell in love with Aidegart. I didn't want to. I was afraid to feel affection for anyone. I spent the happiest days of my life with my beloved. She became the most important thing to me. That's how I loved Aidegart.

Orcs killed her. I wasn't there for her. I wasn't there for Aidegart when she needed me most. The madness that gripped me after her death drove me to revenge. I can't say how many years I killed orcs. However, this didn't fill the void left by her loss. The suffering became unbearable. I lost the will to exist. It was at that time that I encountered spiritism, and soon necromancy. I took all the required vows and began studying secret and forbidden knowledge. I had excellent teachers, thanks to whom I became a necromancer. I undertook all this for Aidegart. I decided to resurrect her. It wasn't an art to infuse life into her body; the true challenge was to restore her soul. Despite years of trying, I never succeeded, but I refused to give up. Years passed, and I delved deeper into ancient knowledge, oblivious to the destruction of my humanity. I never achieved my goal.

Now I'm so old that I no longer have the strength to fight for my purpose. Soon I will die, and I only hope that after death I will find Aidegart and that she will forgive me for my desire to restore her to the world, which for me has turned into a selfish desire.