Imaginary love

 

That day at work, something must have "taken me by," of course. It wasn't some kind of illness, though. I spotted a couple of teenagers in the schoolyard. It wouldn't have been surprising, except for the fact that they were venting a lot! My vocabulary had plenty of words for such behavior: shameless, slovenly, stale! And it all involved a kiss, right in the middle of it! Can you imagine?

Don't accuse me of belonging to one of the one hundred and fifty-one sects operating in our country! I was guided solely by etiquette. I was simply interested in living in harmony with God. And this couple, believe it or not, certainly didn't receive the sacrament of marriage from a chaplain or through any other legal means. In sharing my observations (though some claim I'm an old park spy on lovers, don't believe them!), I'm far from lying or swearing. If they could expose their unbridled urges to public view, then I—there's nothing left but to warn others against their pernicious audacity and openness! Time to begin a radio play about the lives of these shameless scoundrels!

The boy looked well-built, probably because of those steroids! At his age, I could carry mountains, but I certainly didn't look like that. Although I adore our "Lord," to this day. Those massive hands, I still can't get out of my head. It's as if someone were telling me to think about them, constantly! His hair also seemed strangely bleached; lately, more and more blond hair has sprouted before my eyes, oh well, never mind. Continuing on this stubborn subject, I'll tell you a secret: he seemed suspicious to me, even though everyone adored him to the hilt! I noticed right away that he was quite the snob! Nothing more. It's hard to say anything more about him. Our Lord—the creator of heaven and earth—didn't tell me to follow members of the same sex with interest, so I don't! Yes, I only glanced at that "grab" once or twice. After all, I knew I'd be able to introduce her to someone someday, right?

But she, or if you prefer—Anka. How do I know her name, how come? I'm going to marry her. Oh no. I really like her, A. And if she were my friend, I'd definitely be friends with her, but I was the one who refused, even though I only exchanged maybe two magic words with her. It was supposed to be about debauchery, not friendship, or lack thereof. Well, she's so beautiful. What am I saying? This creation, woven by God, makes you wonder what miracles are already here on Earth! A being from another planet descended upon us to dazzle us with her beauty and enslave us for the rest of our lives. I always meticulously count the minutes until our next meeting, or rather, the sight of her beautiful body! Once again, my thoughts have wandered to the empty fields, the wild prairie. I begin to sin in my thoughts, for what is this punishment, my "Lord"? Therefore, I now move on to the next point in my moralizing tale.

More specifically, the behavior of this boor, I mean, a boy who committed a sin and is rarely seen in church! I wonder where he collects his sins, under his pillow? It's impossible! The priest makes it clear from the pulpit that confession is sacred! So this boy is not a saint, not even a saint, and perhaps excluded from the church community! In six months, I haven't seen him even once in our parish, and I live near him; we belong to the same community...

I'm taking liberties again—too much! Only our "Lord" can punish such transgressions! But what you'll read below is beyond human comprehension, so I'll scold this scoundrel in this text for the damned.

Imagine, this lumberjack had the audacity to fondle her two "treasures"! And I don't mean the implements with which Ania will feed her future offspring! He went for her buttocks!

I finally got over it! He touched her buttocks, and instead of punching him in the face, she blushed slightly! Did they realize that a public place is not a wild hacienda! This kind of play should be forbidden. Things like this must be reserved for married couples, and within four walls. Good manners dictate, yet they acted so recklessly! Have pity on our Creator, rest in peace with their souls. Now comes the prayer. Too long to quote in full. Allow me to write the beginning here, and the knife is among us, who doesn't know the beginning... just kneel. Now I can contact God:

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you, blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb..."

Their games had been going on for quite a while when my boss, the principal, stepped in. "He'll give them a hard time. This little boy won't be creating a brothel in front of all the students of this high school."

My dear high school, where I always longed to find my place. It ended with dreams, because I didn't have a father with his head at the trough.

Returning to the scene that seemed to be the bane of my life. At least, that's how it was supposed to be, as my mind constantly "directed" it with the force of a waterfall.

But nothing of the sort happened; you can call me a liar, but at that moment, the principal, as if nothing had happened, dismissed the incident. And the quick pace of his legs seemed to be about something entirely different.

Perhaps I should quote my boss's whining: "Hello, Maciej! And you, Ania! How nice to see you. I have an important matter for you, Maciej. Perhaps you could stop by my office after class?"

He fired these words without any force of fire at the enemy. Surely, he couldn't have inflicted any serious wounds, or even any at all, with that! A good friend of mine, a historian who teaches at this school, could have done a better job than that jerk in a suit dripping with grease barely contained by his skin! This outrage demands blood. Then an important message from myself penetrated my skull: "Don't count on these fools, take the perpetrator into your own hands," the voice whispered.

That voice we usually don't hear because it's drowned out by emotions. But I knew how to reach it. I won't preach on this subject, but know that this "voice" comes from the soul itself. Only good Christians, and psychologists, summon it on cue. Sometimes stomach pains inform us of its presence, and then we know: "someone's played a fool on us."

That voice told me I'd have a chance to attack, and it wouldn't be as clumsy as that idiot who wouldn't disappear from my sight. "You have to be patient," I kept hearing that voice, like a vocal booming in the ears of a thirsty listener for powerful sound, that damned loud music! After a moment of astonishment, "smart guys"—for that's what I'll be calling these males and the rest of the females from now on. I'll just spare Anna for the sake of the feeling that, I believe, was meant to unite us for eternity, eternal eternity. Which is connected to prosperity in the kingdom of heaven.

Although, after a deep breath, I thought that Anna needed someone to guide her. And you probably already know that there's no better guide than me! You're right, because those thoughts flashed through my mind as well.

The bell rang. Holy shit, everyone's rushing towards the entrance, and I have to drag myself through this herd of males, even though some of the females smell nice. I have no doubt that the males are disgusting, often shaggy cowards! There may have been some among them who cared about their appearance, but the other side of the coin was that they were executed by their peers on the guillotine with a sign saying, "You stink like gay."

Apparently, observing basic hygiene is frowned upon in a certain group of males. It's a shame, because I have a very sensitive nose, and therefore an excellent sense of smell.

I somehow survived those moments of stench mixed with the expensive perfume of the females. I entered the school. As usual, I went to the "basement"—that's what everyone in the school called my class, including the teachers. The name stuck to this place like a moth to a lamp. It didn't bother me; I had a habit of not paying attention to nicknames. This is where I spent most of my time at work. I liked sitting here, sometimes "smoking a booger", other times I overheard a conversation (eavesdropping was out of the question!) on a topic that interested me.

Oh, if only I could find out who would be chosen as this week's black sheep. You have to know that at our school, we had this kind of plebiscite all the time. The whole point was to single out the most inappropriate person who had committed some offense. And then all it took was to make their name public, and that culprit would be screwed for a while.

Males and females stigmatized in this way quickly changed their behavior to the good side, because their reputation in this mini-community was lifted thanks to it, even if only a little. That's how the syndrome called responsibility works. One case from the blacklist stuck with me. There was this one guy, they called him Antoś. I had him in my class. You could talk about such things for ages. He was a talented "beast" when I caught a glimpse of his accomplishments. He was truly excellent at it, but he had one problem that weighed on him. He was constantly being blacklisted. It wasn't his fault; that's how he'd been raised in his environment, and now he was carrying his habits wherever he shouldn't have. Thanks to a scholarship, he found himself here and could have gotten a kick in the ass just as quickly.

The turning point came when he met a girl. A pretty girl, whose affection he wanted to earn like a father's love. Although he knew how difficult it was to earn that kind of love, he knew he could control it in some way later. Not like a mother's love, unconditional, which we had no control over when we were still "sitting" in our mother's womb!

If anyone had realized his feelings a little earlier, everyone would have doomed him to a crushing defeat, but he won that battle. He disappeared from the blacklist as if by magic, and the admiration was endless. He also improved his grades and then secured his prize. They're getting along well, and the birds are chirping that they'll be the best couple at the prom this year. "My blood, my blood." Dorotka and Antek, it even sounds good. Dorotka is also a real hottie. I've seen my male friends' eyes twinkle at the sight of her, but she's already taken and only dismisses such dreamers with a flick of her finger if anything were to happen... to be continued.