Łukasz woke up with a headache. But that, at that moment, was the least of his problems. When he finally recovered and looked around, he realized he was no longer in his hometown. It didn't even look like it was anywhere near him, to be honest. He was lying in a clearing full of grass, flowers, and other vegetation. Everything was green, blue, and red. Here were poppies, there were nasturtiums, a little further on, lilies. Near him were flowers he couldn't even name. To his right were a few bushes. They looked like blackberries or raspberries. At least, some kind of fruit. Next to them was a tree. The only one Łukasz could see in this empty clearing. The tree resembled an apple tree, but he wasn't sure. He didn't know much about agritourism, after all. At that moment, a question popped into his head.
"Where am I...? What am I doing here?"
Everything pointed to him never hearing the answer. He was alone there... and as far as the eye could see, all he could see was this single clearing. Nothing else...
"You're probably wondering where you are," a boy's voice echoed throughout the area.
"What? Hey!" When Łukasz turned around, he saw a young boy sitting on a folding chair, sipping hot tea from a mug with a large inscription:
"We Bring Double L to Hell."
"Hello, my name is Ergo. I am, so to speak, your guardian."
"Wh... wh... what? Who? Where am I? Who are you?
" "Uh, you're a young, dark one?! I told you, my name is Ergo, and I'm your guardian. Ugh... are you even listening to me?" The boy was short. He was maybe five feet six. His face was flawlessly beautiful. Oh yes... that caught Łukasz's eye immediately. The face of the other man was so pretty it was hard to believe it belonged to a boy. His eyes were a red so glaring it was hard to look into them. His lips were also so red they looked like they were painted on with lipstick. Unusual for a man, but it suited him. His black hair was ruffled by a wind that wasn't even there, and his hair covered his forehead and ears. His outfit was simple. Just a plain T-shirt and blue jeans. Nothing out of the ordinary.
"Er... Ergo? What am I doing here?"
"Wait... you don't know?" The boy was so surprised he put down his mug and stood up.
"No..."
"Oooh... post-traumatic shock. Well, that was to be expected. So let me remind you, my dear. I can call you 'my dear.' No one else wants me to call them my dear here." Ergo's expression visibly saddened, but it didn't detract from his charm.
"Well... well... whatever you want. But tell me what I'm doing here."
"You're a quickie, aren't you? A quickie," the boy was the only one to laugh, then said with embarrassment, "life's going to be hard for us. But let's get to the point. Your name is Łukasz. Right?
" "Yes.
" "So," Ergo began to walk around the young man with a serious expression, "you see, you recently had a car accident.
" "Accident...?"
"Don't interrupt me when I'm talking. Look, you've made me lose track. Where was I... oh yes, you had an accident. A truck—the boy laughed—speeding at a dizzying 60 km/h spun out of its driver's control and plowed onto the sidewalk where you... and your friend Jasiu were walking.
"Jasiu... wait..." Suddenly, images began to appear in Łukasz's head. He saw himself. He saw his city. The sidewalk beneath his feet. Beside him walked his best friend, Jasiu. They were talking about something, but what? He couldn't remember. He only saw images. Suddenly, something disturbed him. Something that made him turn around. He only noticed the words... Jelcz... at that moment the images disappeared, and Łukasz, with fear in his eyes, said.
"Are... are...?"
"Yes, you're dead!" There was a moment of silence, after which Ergo jumped and shouted, "Jes, how I love to bring people down like that. You should just see your face. That shock. That surprise. That incomprehension. That hope that it's different. That it might be just a dream. But it's not a dream, my dear. Kaboom... you are dead. Game Over.
" "No... impossible... It's impossible!"
"And yet. You're dead. Kaput. Fart. Dead on the spot. There wasn't even anything left to pick up. All that was left of you was a stain. A wet stain. You got it, young man? Wet." However, Łukasz wasn't in the mood for laughter, which Ergo finally concluded: "No sense of humor. Life's going to be hard for us... oh, hard.
" "So... so if I died, I'm in... heaven?"
"Well," Łukasz's interlocutor visibly squirmed at the word, "you almost guessed it. " " So if not heaven
, then purgatory? " "
Uu ...
"Well, actually, you didn't do anything to end up in hell. You'd spend a month or two in purgatory. And if they said a couple of masses for you, maybe only a week. And then an arrow to... you know, up there.
" "Heaven?
" "Exactly. You know, as a pure-blooded demon, albeit a fourth-degree one, it's inappropriate to utter such words. It would be bad for my reputation," Ergo said quietly, so no one else could hear him except Łukasz. Which was completely unfounded, since no one else was there.
"So what am I doing here? In hell.
" "How can I explain that to you? It's your own fault. You see, that friend of yours, Jasiu, was also hurt in the accident. But he was evil. Evil to the core. He worked as a Satanist in some hotel.
" "Satanist?" Łukasz thought for a moment, then realized with surprise, "he was a cloakroom attendant, not a Satanist... at the Qubus Hotel.
" "A cloakroom attendant?" Ergo was seriously surprised. "Oh, shit. Another misprint. This is happening to us more and more often, but that's how it is when you work on Windows XP.
" "Windows... you have Windows in hell?
" "What's so strange about that, huh? Everywhere needs some organization. Even in the capital of chaos. But I'm getting off topic. He may have been a cloakroom attendant, but he was still a bad cloakroom attendant. He stole wallets, furs... So he ended up in hell. That is, here. But apparently, your soul, flying into the light, noticed his being taken by the darkness and wanted to help him. But that didn't work out, and you ended up here yourself. Up there, because of you, their balance is now minus 1. Good job," Ergo smiled.
"But, but, that's impossible. But... it doesn't look like hell. It looks more like the valley of paradise." Łukasz noticed a certain inconsistency in the entire line of reasoning Ergo presented.
"You dare question the words of one of the 22 pure-blood demons." Guardians of the depths of hell. Representatives of the Pentagro caste. What did you expect? Fire, cauldrons, and naked prostitutes chained to the walls?
"Uh... everything except that last one.
" "Prostitutes... well, they used to be... but you know, trade unions got organized, Solidarity formed, they wanted raises, free Saturdays. All in all, it turned into a rather unprofitable business. "
Łukasz stared at his interlocutor in surprise.
"What? You can't laugh... kid! We're in hell. They won't punish you for lying here!" Ergo was outraged by his protégé's accusatory look.
"Laugh... you think I'm laughing?
" "Well, sure, one zero for you.
" "But I still can't believe this is hell." Łukasz stood up at that moment. "All these flowers, grass, it's simply beautiful here."
At that moment, Ergo seemed to grow serious.
"So you want to see hell? Real hell? No problem. What do you say to that?"
Suddenly, Ergo's hand covered Łukasz's eyes, and when it uncovered them, they were in a completely different place. They were in a vast, rocky desert. There was nothing there. Literally nothing. There was only smooth terrain. The temperature reached around 80 degrees Celsius, which the young man immediately felt. The air was so dry it was hard to breathe.
"What do you say to that? Hell could be like that. Everywhere, just emptiness and nothing... just emptiness.
" "Ugh..." Łukasz started coughing. Finally, he knelt down and grabbed his throat.
"Don't worry, you won't die from this. Because you're already dead," Ergo smiled, then turned serious. "But you'll feel this pain for all eternity.
" "Ugh... you... you'll...
" "I see you don't like it. So maybe something disgusting... so what do you say to that?"
Ergo's hand covered the boy's eyes again. When she uncovered them, Łukasz suddenly realized he was by the sea... Literally by the sea. A sea of blood. He immediately fell into it, as there was nothing beneath his feet. He could taste blood... and all his eyes saw were gallons of blood. Nothing but blood. But it was difficult to see anything at all in the ruby liquid. After a moment, he poked his head above the surface of that same red water. There, on one of the many rocks jutting out above the surface, sat Ergo. Łukasz swam to one of the closest and held on to it to keep from drowning.
"Or maybe the sea?" the demon only smiled, but after a moment, he moved towards Łukasz with a much more serious expression. His feet weren't submerged in the blood at all. As if the laws of gravity didn't apply to him.
"Don't you wonder what made you swim in a sea of blood... where it came from? Maybe you should look into the depths..." Suddenly, the demon grabbed the boy's head and plunged it beneath the surface. He resisted for a moment, but eventually stopped. He felt like he was running out of air, but... but he was still alive... after all, he was already dead. But that feeling of airlessness lingered. Suddenly, his eyes saw something terrible. Down at the bottom of that sea of blood were remains... human remains. They weren't just bones. They were normal pieces of human flesh. Łukasz could clearly distinguish arms, legs, torsos, and heads. Lots of heads. Men, women, and children. They all had the same expression on their faces. Fear... that's one way to describe it. As if they knew exactly what was about to happen to them. A terrible death. Finally, Ergo's grip loosened.
"And how do you like this hell? Would you like to live in it? Everywhere you looked, a sea of blood, and beneath it... perhaps your friends...
" "No... I don't want..." Łukasz screamed.
"In that case..." Ergo put his hand to the boy's eyes again, and when he took it away, Łukasz was back in his happy clearing. But covered in blood. He could still smell that smell... that taste. The way that blood flowed down his back. Unable to bear it, he vomited directly onto Ergo's shoes.
"Damn!" the demon jumped back. "Be careful! You know how much those shoes cost." There was a moment of silence. "Well, it's nothing, really, but..." Suddenly, the remnants of unknown origin disappeared from the shoes. "Immediately better. I see your human instincts haven't abandoned you yet. Don't forget, you're already dead. In fact, you don't even have anything to throw up on."
Meanwhile, Łukasz's clothes dried almost instantly and were just like they were before. There were no traces of a blood bath.
"What do you think? How did you like the visions of such hell? Huh? Maybe now you'll finally understand where you are. And what awaits you.
" "What awaits me?"
"Well, damn, you're dense, Łukasz. Dumb as a brick." You'll stay here forever... and by that I don't mean for the rest of your life, but forever.
"Forever?
" "Well, actually... oh, look what time it is," Ergo glanced at his watch, "and I have a business meeting in fifteen minutes until eternity."
"If I'm in hell, why does it look like this? I understand it could be worse, but why like this?"
"Hmm, since I've already shown you so much and told you so much," Ergo commented on the situation, "why not, but this will be a quick tour. I invite you on a tour of other people's hells."
The demon's hand covered Łukasz's eyes for the fourth time today. When the boy could see again, he noticed... the city.
"What?
" "Chicago, a city of many nations.
" "Chicago? And this is supposed to be hell? One of the office buildings in this city?" Łukasz noticed it was somewhere very high up in some building.
"This isn't real Chicago... but created for this one hell. Sam Gordon's hell.
" "Who?
" "What?" Haven't you heard of Sam Gordon?" Ergo was clearly outraged by his protégé's ignorance. "He was quite a good painter." The demon pointed to a painting on the wall. "He painted this... and that... and that painting over there.
" "So-so.
" "Argh, you don't know anything about real art... but let's not lose the thread. Do you see anyone here?" came the question.
"Indeed, there's no one here... but... who is it?" Łukasz suddenly saw a woman who literally stepped out of the wall. As if she were a ghost or something. "Who is she?
" "That's Sam's wife. This is her office... that's why there are so many of his paintings here.
" "But why does she have a gun in her hand?"
"You'll see in a moment," the demon smiled, then glanced at his watch. "Be careful, stand back."
Suddenly, a man ran out the elevator door. He ran as fast as he could towards the office. But not fast enough. Łukasz suddenly heard a gunshot. Only then did the man run into the office and see his wife lying in a pool of blood. She had committed suicide.
"That's Sam himself... heh, that rhymes well... but let's get to the point. Sam was an alcoholic and drug addict, but he loved his wife. Moments later, he committed suicide.
Łukasz watched the man suffer, seeing his beloved dead. But suddenly, she disappeared... he disappeared too... the blood disappeared... everything looked as it had a moment ago.
"What's happening?
" "That's the drama of this scene; we don't let him kill himself... He has to suffer... suffer for eternity. Over and over again, only watching her die."
Suddenly, a woman emerged from the wall. The same one from last time. She was holding a gun in her hand again.
"But if he keeps running around like that, don't you think he'll eventually succeed?" Łukasz's question was perfectly reasonable.
"Well, it could... but this is hell... so he won't make it... and don't worry about that." Ergo smiled gently.
"So now I understand. Hell is the worst moment of our lives, repeated over and over again. Like forever?
" "Also... but, not really. Time for show number two... my favorite, anyway." The situation with the hand and the blindfolding repeated itself.
Now they both found themselves in some kind of church. It looked very old.
"Church?" Łukasz was surprised.
"Absolutely... Kukaj, don't say anything."
Suddenly the entrance door opened and people started entering the chapel. They were dressed in strange, ancient costumes.
"Hey, why are they dressed so strangely?"
"Because this is happening somewhere around 1700."
"Can they see us?
" "No, no," Demon assured his companion with a smile.
"People. Who are those two strange figures over there at the center of our band?" one of the women shouted.
"Can't they see?!?" Łukasz's comment was perfectly appropriate.
"Oh shit... what... I'm just a demon..." Ergo snapped his fingers as a strange wind suddenly enveloped them both, disappearing just as quickly as it appeared.
"Hey, those two I was peeking at are gone.
" "You thought so. Woman... now sit down, you're blocking the way.
" "It should be okay now...
" "So whose hell is this?" "Her," Łukasz pointed at a woman.
"No.
" "Or maybe hers?
" "Nooooo."
"Is it his?
" "Missed.
" "That child." Łukasz was already pointing at everyone.
"Would you like...
" "So who the hell?"
"First of all, calm down... don't get so excited, it's supposedly bad for the heart... secondly, him"—here Ergo pointed to the platform the priest had just mounted.
"A priest?!
Why not?
" "But what could he have ended up in hell for?
" "Uh, something like that... he slaughtered an entire village with an axe. A lunatic.
" "A... what?... a priest? But why?" Łukasz looked at the priest. He looked completely normal. Like other priests. Black cassock, clerical collar. Everything was perfectly normal.
"He explained that the creator told him to... because they were sinners.
" "The creator? Sure, admit it, it was you who impersonated God and told him to do it.
" "Listen... as much as I love Lucifer, we didn't have anything to do with it.
" "You want me to believe it." Łukasz's skepticism was perfectly correct and justified.
"Listen." I'm telling you... the guy had such aberrations himself... Could a pure-blooded fourth-class demon lie to you?
- Was that a rhetorical question?
Silence drifted from Ergo...
- Don't talk, just watch - he finally said through gritted teeth.
The priest began to speak at that moment.
- Today, my dears. Our Lord appeared to me. The Creator. He told me that today, in this very chapel... -
Suddenly, something interrupted him. The sound of laughter.
- Do you think it was Him... your creator?
- Who is speaking? - The priest was clearly confused by the situation. People panicked.
- It was me... the one who really spoke to you. The one you pay homage to. Satan!
- What? That's impossible... - Fear appeared in the priest's eyes.
Suddenly, Jesus on the cross came to life. He walked from it and spoke.
- I am not who you think... hahahah - At that moment, the living figurine was tearing out the priest's heart.
Suddenly, everything disappeared... returned to the moment the two observers arrived.
"Wow... so this is his hell.
" "Imagine that something you believe in so strongly turns out to be something else. And there you have it... for all eternity. Not very sophisticated, but... ahh, how I love that scene of him ripping his heart out. Oh my," Ergo wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.
"So hell isn't just the worst scenes in our lives, but also scenes that...
" "They would be the worst... drastic, wouldn't they?"
A moment later, Łukasz and Ergo found themselves back in the clearing where it all began.
"Do you know why it's like this here?"
"No... I still don't understand... why this clearing.
" "But you're a hard nut to crack. You're good, you should go to heaven. There are no scenes in your life like the ones you just saw. That's why your hell... is paradise, simple as that. And if you say you don't get it, I'll break your neck.
" "Unlikely."
- What?
- He's already dead.
This sentence made Łukasz laugh.
- See, you understand quickly... and now I really have to go because I'm late anyway. So I'm going and you just sit here. Oh, and I forgot. If you want to know something. Say my name. Okay.
- Okay, I'll remember.
- So I'm going.
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