My dream of the sea"

Another daily walk along the seashore. I still don't know why on this particular day I had to ask myself this fatal question. Who is this silent being to me, who bravely endured my complete ignorance? She, this one figure who has always been with me. In every miserable moment of my difficult legal life. Why was it then, only then, that I became aware of my previously unnoticed friend?

Looking at me with her blue eyes, she made me understand that she had always been with me. She suffered when I suffered and rejoiced when I had reason to rejoice. She grieved over her appearance when I saw it as nothing but a monochromatic plane, a surface I encountered daily during my morning walks. Without knowing why, it was then that I realized how much this water meant to me. This inseparable piece of my mental puzzle.

Water. The sea. Child of the crying sun. Now it soothes pain, heals wounds, calms. It provides respite from the oppressive mundane tasks, the fear of life, and the gray monotony. Nothing helps one survive in this unjust world like the calm sound of her voice, freeing the soul from all worries, the meaning of words of comfort flowing from her wet heart. Providing solutions, masking my mistakes, placing me in the position of master of my fate, she helped me, saved me, loved me… She transformed a skeptical, broken, desperate person into a person learning to see the world, beginning to derive pleasure from things that seemed to be merely a backdrop to my life so far. Now I feel I can survive…

After beautiful days, hours, minutes, only beautiful seconds began to remain. I accepted my friend less and less; I saw in her only a chemical absurdity. Disappointment. The absurdity of this relationship brought me to the breaking point. The recurring thought of losing my mind. I lost control over distinguishing between reality and fiction. The stubborn desire to survive another day forced me to create an unreal persona to relieve me of the burden of life. Mocking myself, laughing and crying at the same time, I understood what I had been trying to tell myself for so long.

The first step. The velvety water caressed my foot for a moment longer. She stroked it as if dreaming of this moment, welcoming it like an adored king. The second step. The cold seeps in, trying to understand, fearing. The third step. She senses my unease, no longer wanting to welcome me. The fourth step. I'm halfway there. It won't let me go any further. It churns, it stings. It didn't help. I threw my body onto the surface of the already turbulent water. It rejected me. She was afraid. Slowly, I became part of it. Becoming one with the water, I floated away in tiny drops, giving God witness to my emancipation from the burden of being human. The most beautiful image. Body and soul, separate, independent, an angel of despair devoid of worries. The end of immutability. It was only a dream. A dream of the sea. The sea of ​​salvation. But you remained. Unhappy.

The Angel of the Sun, his soul lost, melted into the abyss of turquoise water. Disappearing slowly, slain by pain, he folded his wings at the bottom of dead hope.