House, tree, son

Patryk approached me and kissed me tenderly on the cheek. It was obvious he'd had a difficult day at the clinic. He didn't burden me with his problems, though; he never did, unless he couldn't handle them anymore. That only happened once in the twelve years we'd known each other. I sat in the armchair and didn't get up; it was too difficult for me to move, but for a woman in her ninth month of pregnancy, that wasn't surprising at all. My husband crouched down in front of me and asked,

"How are my two darlings feeling today?

" "Good, Ania is exceptionally calm today, check it out for yourself." He placed his hands on my swollen belly and was sure he didn't feel a thing. He kissed me above my navel, then, stroking me, whispered in Ania's ear; it always calmed her when she was acting up. Obstacles like my body or her poor hearing didn't bother him, and neither did she. Now, however, she began knocking on the door to the outside world instead.

"Patryk... My water broke! It's starting, what did you say to her?" He stopped dead in his tracks.

"Generally, just that I can't wait to see her.

" "She can't wait to see you either. Would you please get a move on and call an ambulance?" He grabbed the phone and did as he was told, finally adding with his effortless humor:

"Just hurry, or I'll shit my pants from nerves." I don't know if the nurse on duty laughed, but I didn't care at the moment; labor pains were starting. Apparently, Anka was in an unusual hurry. I started to get a little nervous, but I was still more composed than Patryk.

"What's taking so long?! It's the twenty-first century and you're supposed to give birth like you did in the nineteenth? At home?! I don't understand him! When he took care of me when I was in my thralls, he knew what to do, but now he's completely lost his mind. Men are strange creatures, after all.

" "You just called, wait a minute." Better pack my trunk with a toothbrush, a towel, a bathrobe, etc.

"Damn, that towel takes up half the trunk!" he shouted from the bathroom.

"Then don't put a bath towel in there, just the smallest one," I suggested.

"It actually goes in." "My clumsy little guy. How did he manage to make me marry him?"

Just as he finished packing, the paramedics arrived. It's a good thing we lived on the ground floor. The paramedics helped me get to the ambulance, and Patryk locked up the apartment in the meantime and went with me. It's a good thing he didn't take his beat-up UAZ. I'd been telling him for a long time that he should buy a proper car (we could afford it, after all), but he insisted on keeping that piece of junk. What a stubborn man.

I hate the ninth month. I'm clumsy then and unable to move properly, like a sick old grandmother. I hope I won't be like that when I'm old; I couldn't stand it! It's good that Patryk was always there for me, despite everything. Twelve years is enough time to find out. He was holding my hand now, too, but it was probably to reassure him, not me, because he was squeezing my hand almost like it was in a vice.

"Don't get so nervous, you'll break my fingers." I reassured him despite the increasingly frequent pains.

"Sorry, but this is my first labor," this time, making the ambulance crew laugh.

"Mine too, in case you haven't noticed." He slapped his forehead with his open palm, signaling he'd realized something obvious, and added a revealing "yes." We finally arrived. Three minutes later, I was lying in the maternity ward, prepared to give birth to my beautiful daughter. I couldn't wait... When would this pain finally stop?!! It would drive you crazy!

It took forty minutes before Ania even wanted to leave, and now the agony was just beginning. Adam should have kicked my foremother, my namesake, Eve in the ass beforehand, while she was picking that damn apple. I would be grateful to him for that for a lifetime. Patryk stood next to me and took over the soothing duties. He stroked my sweat-dampened hair, held my hand, and bravely endured my grip, which was about fifteen times stronger than his in the ambulance. He tolerated my curses between pushes just as well.

"Doctor, can I have some morphine?"

"No, you have to be conscious.

" "Do you hear me, it's because of you!" I said to my husband. "From now on, you sleep in the other room, and may hell consume you if you try to touch me!" I didn't care that half the hospital could hear me and ten people were staring at my crotch.

"But Ewa, surely...

" "I wish you men would have to give birth someday! I wish you that with all my heart!

" "The lady calms down and—" I insisted, as they told me.

"You male chauvinists, you should serve us women like slaves for what we have to suffer for you! And you bastards, nothing! Your goal: to father a son, build a house, and plant a tree! And you, woman, raise him, clean, and water him! You'd be damned!

" "There's a head already, get to work, Mrs. Ewa.

" "Shut up, sir, I'm doing what I can!" The guy was so surprised! Why, he's never given birth and never will, so don't let him upset me.

" "Aaaaaaa!!! I'm not doing this anymore! I just wanted to have sex in the lake! I was young and stupid! I demand a divorce!"

"It's over, beautiful daughter." A few moments later, a beautiful little creature lay beside me, making me instantly forget all the pain. Patryk approached her as well. We looked at her tiny, defenseless body, her eyes, enormous compared to the rest of her, darting around. She wasn't crying. Before they took her for an examination, I kissed her gently on the forehead.

"Well, you're lucky, if it weren't for her, I really would have divorced you."

"Ugh, you're kidding. You think I'd let you? I didn't seduce you for eleven years just to let you go after a year," he said with his natural insolence.

"Yeah?" I replied, and he kissed me and hugged me.

"Yes. I'll never give you up, to anyone, for anything. And do you know why?

" "Because you love me?" I smiled at him knowingly.

"No." "Oh..." He surprised me.

"Because someone has to clean my house, water my tree, and raise my child." I gave him a punch in the face that echoed. And he started laughing just as loudly, forcing me to laugh too.

"It's true that women are naive." This time he got the other side and stopped laughing.