1
It all started on Monday. I got sick and didn't go to school that day. I remember a friend was supposed to give me a CD with slides for a presentation. However, it turned out she couldn't come herself and sent me the person I least expected – Marek. I like him very much; I used to have heartbreaks because of him, but I would never have even thought he would visit me, and of his own free will. Of course, I was very happy. I didn't even notice when more than three hours had passed while he was at my place. I had a really fantastic conversation with him. I thought about it a lot afterward – about our conversation, about him, and how lucky I was to have been sick, because at least he visited me.
The next day I didn't go to school either, and Marek came back to my house after his classes. And once again, we had a wonderful conversation, and time flew by. I didn't even notice when more than two hours had passed. After that, he came to see me every day, and from the moment I returned to school, we talked almost every break. The following days made me think about him more and more intensely. I couldn't concentrate on my classes; my thoughts often wandered to another world. My friends asked tons of questions, all about Marek, of course, but I somehow didn't feel like answering them. Truthfully, only my friend Kasia knew what was going on in my heart. Every moment, even the briefest, spent with Marek was wonderful for me. I wanted our meetings to last as long as possible.
One beautiful, sunny day, we met, but because of the incredible heat, we came up with a rather unusual, yet crazy idea – to go to the mall and "explore" the shops. Immediately, without a second thought, we started heading for the tram. When we arrived, exhausted from the long journey, we sat down on a bench in front of the supermarket to rest for a moment, and that's when he pulled out a cigarette. Honestly, I hate it when someone smokes around me, but everyone knows how hard it is to kick the habit. It's okay if he has to smoke, but I wanted him to smoke very little around me, or preferably not at all. It was difficult, of course, but I have to admit, it wasn't that bad.
While shopping, it turned out we had very similar tastes and agreed on almost everything, even the smallest details. At one point, smelling the perfume gave me a headache, but other than that, I felt truly wonderful. I never even thought I could have so much fun with a guy, especially shopping. Our meeting was unusually long (about six hours), but again, I have to admit… Why so short??!! Why does time fly by so quickly??!!
After that magical day, I realized that, unfortunately, he wasn't just a friend to me. Feelings from less than six months ago began to stir within me. Back then, I had no idea what to think… I was over the moon, but at the same time, I realized I didn't have much to look forward to. I'm just a friend to him—that's the fact. However, despite what I know, I still think about him, even feeling a little down sometimes, but I try not to show it as much as possible.
About a week ago, Marek, as usual, came to see me, this time for a shorter time, but there's always something, as they say. However, I learned that he wouldn't be at school the next day—English… Oh well, I just had to get through that day. As it turned out, it wasn't so bad. I wrote my geography test, and the day after that flew by, at full speed. The worst part, however, was the evening and the anticipation of Friday (the day I'd see Marek at school again). After a sleepless night, Friday finally arrived! I woke up this morning, full of energy and eager to go to school like never before, despite my sleep. I ate breakfast, washed up, and flew to school like I had no other choice. Unfortunately, that was a mistake… I shouldn't have left the house that day. Misfortunes followed one another. To start the day "on the right foot
,
" I got a C on my English test, but to make matters worse, an hour later I got another C, this time in German for my answer. However, that was only the beginning of a "wonderful" day. During recess, one of the middle school students tugged at my skirt, which immediately rose up, revealing my less-than-ideal panties. I'd never experienced such humiliation. I was truly fed up with this Friday. I wanted to truly howl! But that would have to wait a little longer. I forgot, however, that I still had two classes ahead of me. The first one was physics, where the professor also didn't disrespect me, giving me a bad test. I completely broke down. I had no idea what to do! I wanted to sink into the ground, to simply disappear from this world. You probably think that was the end of my traumatic experiences, but the worst was yet to come. After physics, I went to Kasia's class, first-grade class. I wanted to talk to someone honestly. Kasia was standing with her whole group of friends, so we all went outside together. I was sitting on a bench in front of the school and thinking about my terrible day, which, unfortunately, wasn't over yet. And then Marek approached us. I could see he wasn't in the best of spirits today either, so I asked what had happened that he wasn't feeling well today. But the answer I got contained no information, only a hint that I should stop talking and go away. So I did. I sat down on the bench again and pretended to be reading math. Nothing, absolutely nothing, went right for me that day!
Since Marek finished his classes at the same time as me, I decided to wait for him to come home from school again (as usual). However, he didn't show up. Finally, Kaśka and I sat down on a bench and started talking about the events that had happened to me today (June 3, 2005). I had really had enough! We chatted for about twenty minutes, then decided to go to Professor Gorlicka's – from PE – to ask about Saturday's performance. Coming down the stairs, we saw Marek sitting with a classmate, studying English. And since Kaśka and I still had about five minutes, we joined them. However, at that moment, they gathered their things, stood up, and, saying goodbye to us, left the school. My disappointment with his behavior was so immense that I had no idea what to say. In short, I was very sorry.
After about ten minutes, we left the school as well. I decided to go to my grandmother's – my truest friend – and since Kaśka was walking towards me, we still had some time for girl talk. As we were heading towards the bus stop, we saw Marek standing with his friend on the corner of two streets. The moment they saw us, they turned in the opposite direction. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I wanted to be in my room right then and there and cry into my pillow until I ran out of tears.
Thirty minutes later, I was at my grandmother's. I hadn't even had time to sit down properly when my sister called to tell me that Marek had been waiting outside my house for quite a while and then had disappeared (probably because I was gone). It completely devastated me. At that moment, I lost my nerve and burst into tears (I hate that word!). I couldn't take it anymore; it was all too much for me. I realized then that I truly cared about him.
About an hour later, I was home. I called Marek, but he wasn't there. Since I had cheerleading practice soon, I grabbed a drink and got out of the house as quickly as possible. After practice, I didn't feel like going home, so I went with Kasia to the 20th Anniversary Stadium. It was there that I finally calmed down and gathered myself. I desperately needed it. I returned home in two hours because the Polish volleyball team was playing against Greece. And as a die-hard fan, I couldn't miss the match. I was afraid it would end in disaster again, considering the entire day .
But that didn't happen. The Poles won 3-2, which I was extremely happy about. At least after that, I could go to bed and wait for what the next day would bring.
Oh my!!! I had a dream... I dreamed of Marek... asking me to marry him! It's amazing what can form in my head while I sleep. Where does all this come from? Because if I thought about it in the evenings, it would be understandable, but something like that never even crossed my mind. Okay, I'll leave it at that, because it's not that important at the moment. Today – Tuesday – was physics! Another disaster! I rewrote the test, but later it turned out I definitely got one problem wrong, so I can't count on an A. I always come up with something stupid! I'm so stupid. I only saw Marek once today, and it turned out that was probably one time too many. If he's going to ignore me, then I won't be any worse. Anyway, why, and for what reason should I worry about what's happening to him if he's completely into me... Don't you think it's pointless? Because I think that one-sided efforts are pointless. On the one hand, I really feel like Marek is more than just a friend to me, but on the other, I've had enough of his mood swings and mood swings. And generally, I think I deserve a few words of explanation regarding his behavior. Besides, I don't know what to think anymore; sometimes I lose the will to live... I try to face the odds, which isn't always successful, but I try to be strong!
In about 10 minutes, I'll lie down and then drift off again, and something completely new and definitely strange will arise in my head. I just hope it's not Marek or anything related to him. However, the last thing I'll write will sound rather pessimistic: I had a missed call from Marek (he was calling from his home phone). I decided not to call him back, because I'd probably be told he had the wrong number again. And since that would depress me even more, I tried not to think, "What if..." I tried to be optimistic, but given the current situation, it was doable. Tomorrow would start with a German test, and then – a truly dream start to the day. But I assumed I'd get through this difficult time and then take a break from school over the weekend. And that brings with it the feeling of impending vacation
.
Another day, another nightmare! German – a C at the end of the year! That's tragic! But as a friend of mine once said, "It's never so bad that it couldn't get worse." A beautiful saying, but I don't think it's always accurate. Okay, so I'll still have time to improve my German, but my final high school diploma will have a B in computer science! This is a real disaster! I'm literally fed up with school! I want to be a little kid again! However, today (Wednesday) something happened that had a positive impact on my psyche – I got a B on my geography test. You probably think I'm stupid for being so happy, because it's only a B, but you have to know that for me, it's not JUST a C, it's a truly GREAT grade, especially when it comes to geography. And after school, I also had a lot of fun. I went to cheerleading on my bike. I have to admit, today (like never before) I was incredibly happy! I wanted to release all my energy by dancing! It was truly amazing! And I also learned that for representing the school I'd get an A in
PE at the end of the year! It lifted my spirits even further!
However, that day, besides schoolwork and grade failures, there were also heartbreaks. I ran into Marek almost every break. I couldn't take it anymore! I was dying to approach him and talk to him about what was happening. However, I knew it would be inappropriate for me to do so, so I let the situation unfold. I don't know how much longer I can endure it, but I've been really patient! I hope it resolves itself soon...
After a "grueling" bike ride with Kasia, I returned home and finally had a break from school, the roar of cars, and all the noise outside. I fell asleep... Thursday
5th
... Another day filled with emotions. Why am I still thinking about him?! He's not talking to me. And from what I can see, he has no intention of saying a word... Everything's falling apart! How much longer can I hold out?!
Friday came. In the morning, my grandmother sent me off, I marched off to school (without realizing what I'd encounter there). And then it all started "fantastic"! Marek walked past me and... NOTHING! Absolutely NOTHING! What have I done that he doesn't even pay attention to me? After the break... English... Another C at the end! This is too much, what's happening to me?!
A few lessons passed. During one of the breaks, I went to visit Kasia. And what did I learn? Marek thinks I'm washing my hands of his problems and not speaking to him because I think he's "out of his mind"! What nonsense?! If only he knew how I really felt and thought, he'd change his mind immediately! When I heard this, I lost my nerve and burst into tears! I wanted to run as far away as possible from everyone and everything that was making me lose my will to live! I felt terribly overwhelmed and incapable of action!
Another break... I made a decision. I would go to him, even if he said something unpleasant, I would tell him what was on my mind. I felt like I couldn't take it anymore, especially since the weekend was approaching. If I hadn't approached Marek now, I wouldn't have done it at all! It happened... I started talking, even though I had absolutely no idea what to say! I was so nervous! Marek (at least in my opinion) wasn't particularly eager to talk, but I wanted to tell him everything, and now nothing could stop me! From all this, I learned that Marek thought I'd ignored him, and I thought the same about him! What a stupidity! A total mistake! However, after that conversation, I felt much more relieved, and I could calmly return to biology and pass with a B! And so it happened. After that, everything went smoothly. I also got a B in Polish at the end, and with that, I happily ended a terribly confusing day at school.
After returning home, I started preparing dinner, as I was soon to leave for a meeting with Damian – my dearest friend from Knórów. Then, suddenly, the doorbell rang. I opened it, looked around, and there it was, Marek! I'd never been so surprised by his arrival as I was then. The surprise, of course, was positive! I invited him to my room, quickly ate dinner, and from that moment on, I felt like I couldn't stand another moment without him! We explained everything, and he poured out his problems to me, which, as usual, I felt helpless to solve! It always kills me when I can't help him! I missed talking to him so much! I don't know what will happen to me if I don't see him all summer. I think I'll die of longing! One thing is certain – I've fallen in love with him, and now I can't stop thinking about him, let alone his absence!
Marek, walking me to the bus stop, suddenly said,
"Maybe I could go with you to Damian's?"
"I'd love to," I replied, "but I don't want you to get another terrible scolding from your parents because of me.
" "I don't care! If I didn't go with you now, I'd bring it up later! So I'm going, and that's it!" he said curtly, smiling.
I gave in. I knew I'd put him through a terrible time, but I really wanted him to come with me! After a moment's thought, I simply replied that I wanted him to go and gave him the sweetest smile I could muster.
As it turned out, Damian and Marek got along wonderfully! At times, they went a bit overboard with the jokes, but I'm truly thrilled that they've accepted each other. I love them both and want their relationship to be at least good. After Friday's meeting, however, I decided I didn't have to worry about that.
During a long walk with Marek and Damian, Marek grabbed my hand (and put it in my pocket). I must admit, I felt like I was in heaven! It was time to head back to Bytom. So we said goodbye to Damian and boarded the tram. I was feeling pretty dizzy after drinking one beer earlier, so I didn't bother to check if there was an elderly person nearby, so I sat down and rested my head on the backrest in my arms. It hurt so much that, despite Marek's presence and the fact that I shouldn't sleep next to him, I "fell asleep." A few moments later, he rested his head in my arms, and that's when I truly felt both safe and loved (at least by Marek). In this "state," we reached Bytom, and as I got off the tram, I made such a turn that Marek embraced me and said,
"In that case, I'll have to walk you home, because I won't let you go alone.
What a shame! To stagger after one beer!" However, when he hugged me, I felt an immense warmth flow from my heart to his. I truly felt that someone needed me. A few moments later, I hugged him back, and we reached my house, exchanging sweet nothings along the way. When I was standing outside my cage, I didn't want to let him go home (I felt so wonderful with him), but of course she knew she had to get back to him as soon as possible, because of her parents and because of the English exams he was facing. That's why she absolutely had to get to work and pass this subject! Now, as I write this ,
it's already Sunday, or rather, in five minutes it will be Monday. I can't wait for tomorrow, and right now I'm pining for Mark. So I'm going to bed, to get out of this world as quickly as possible.
So, as you can see, everything's back to normal. So, it's safe to say I'm truly HAPPY now! I see Marek practically every day now. And I have to admit, it's GREAT! The last week of school was very relaxed, so I could afford to skip school a bit. Marek and I agreed to spend all of Tuesday at my house watching a good movie. So, when the long-awaited day arrived, Marek picked me up at 7:45 (just like I normally do) and, on our way to school, we turned in the opposite direction. We took the bus one stop and were at my apartment in five minutes. We sat in the living room in front of the TV, and then Marek pulled out some wine – white Sophia! I wasn't expecting anything like that! I was surprised, and in a very positive way! I took out two glasses, and Marek poured wine into each of them. I knew I'd be high after one glass of wine, but I knew full well it might never happen again, so I went all out and drank three glasses. I was slowly losing consciousness when the intercom rang – it was the postman. From what Marek later told me, I signed the order, at least crookedly, with a shaking hand, and the postman was looking at me rather strangely (no wonder). When the messenger left, I felt terribly dizzy. And at that moment, Marek picked me up and carried me to the living room, laying me on the couch. He really must have a lot of strength if he could lift me! Believe me, I felt amazing. Unfortunately, a beautiful day had to end sometime. When I said goodbye to Marek at the bus stop, I had the feeling I wouldn't live to see him again the next day. The next days, Wednesday and Thursday, passed as usual – amazing! I met with Marek, and what can I say – it was wonderful!
Finally! Friday arrived! School was over, dealing with middle schoolers, and all that noise, which I was slowly getting tired of. Afterward, Marek, I, and some of his class went to the park to flunk the end of the school year. I had a really great time! But until... When I went to the store with Aśka, Andrzej, and Marek to get some drinks, while talking to Marek on the way, I suddenly blurted out (in a rather pretentious tone) that he'd drunk half my beer. Which, of course, was purely a joke. I didn't blame him, because why would I? But he took it completely differently and got incredibly angry with me (he had every right to be). After that, it only got worse. I tried to talk to him a few times, but he brushed me off. Each time, it hurt me more and more. At first, I approached him and said,
"Shall we go and talk?"
"I'm sleeping," he replied, completely indifferent.
I really wanted to talk to him and explain everything, but if he didn't want to, there was nothing I could do. I lay down on the grass, and then, completely uncontrollably, a few tears fell from my eyes. I lay there for about fifteen minutes because then I had to get home. But first, I had to go with Kaśka to the bushes; I couldn't bear to get home (beer makes me pee like crazy!). On the way, I told her how hurt I was that Marek had blown me off like that, but I shouldn't have said (even jokingly) that he had kept me from having half a beer. I didn't know what was happening! When Kaśka and I returned to where we were sitting, we saw that our whole group had gathered their things and gone to sit on the bench, waiting for us. The moment I took my backpack from Aśka, everyone started to leave, and after a while, only Marek and I were left on the bench. The hint was understandable, but I was afraid to say anything to him for fear he'd brush me off like before. After a few moments, I decided my inaction might be misinterpreted later, so I said,
"I'm not on the couch.
" "So what?" Marek replied, completely indifferent again.
"And I'm still telling the truth!
" "So what?" he replied again.
I couldn't take it anymore! I got up from the bench and ran out of the park as fast as I could. I wanted to get as far away as possible. No one could stop me, not even Kaśka and Ala. I walked and cried like a little child who hadn't been bought a toy. Suddenly, I saw the railings to my right and sat down on them, feeling I couldn't go any further. The girls called after me, but I wanted to be alone! And then a small group of people, at Kaśka's call, replied that I was sitting on the railings to their right. But I was angry that they'd shown me where I was. Why were they even interfering? It wasn't their business! Kaśka ran up to me and said something, but I didn't want to listen. Only one thing she said got through to me: Marek thinks you don't care about him! And then I felt like I was repeating the situation from two weeks ago. How could he think I didn't care about him?! It didn't even cross my mind for a second! I loved him! Marek stopped a few meters in front of me, and Kaśka took my hand and led me to him standing with Ala. I thought then that, third time's the charm, this would be the last time I'd try to smooth things over and explain everything.
"Will you come home with me and talk?" I asked Marek.
"Are we going to the bus stop?" Marek asked Kaśka and Ala, pretending he hadn't heard my question.
"Are you coming home with me or not?" I asked one last time.
"Are we going to the bus stop?" he said the same thing again, ignoring my question.
Oh no! Now that was too much! Had I really screwed up that he was treating me like this? At that point, I took off my heels and decided to go home. I took the first bus I saw and was at my apartment in five minutes. I had to stop at a store and buy something to eat before my parents noticed me. I forced myself to eat a Snickers bar and was home in a moment. Dad opened the door for me, I went in, took off my shoes, drank some water, and, not wanting to eat his dinner, I went to my room, lay down on my bed, and cried into my pillow! I couldn't believe I cared so much about him, because I'd never shed so many tears for him. I really wanted him to stop crying, but I just couldn't! After about an hour, I decided not to play the victim, I'd get out of bed and eat something (even though I wasn't hungry at all). I put on the stove for soup and barely had time to pour it into my plate when the intercom rang. Dad opened the door again and said someone was calling me. It turned out to be Kasia. She snatched me out of the house for a moment and told me to turn left on my way out. And who did I see? Marek! He came! I honestly didn't expect to see him again today. He told me that despite what I thought of him, he loved me very much, and that he had to come and tell me because he probably wouldn't have been able to bear it. You have no idea how happy I was then! In that moment, a huge weight lifted from my heart, and my life regained meaning! Of course, I told him that I loved him very much too, and that I thought he wouldn't come today. And it was all thanks to Kasia and Ala! I don't even know how I'll repay them. Later, I walked Marek to the bus stop because his curfew was long past and he'd surely get a scolding for being late. But the moments I experienced with him after he came to me today will forever remain etched in my memory. I truly felt special! And I realized that I cared about him more than anything in the world, and it was worth all the tears! After all, it was all for Marek! However, we decided there was no point dwelling on it and it was best to forget about it as soon as possible. The next day we went to the Forest Bathing Area, and I must admit, I had a wonderful time. And thanks to whom? You can answer that for yourselves. We spent almost the entire week together. It was amazing! It got better every day On Thursday, I had a recording session (I'm an extra in the film "What the Sun Has Seen?") and had to be in Knórów at 8:00. Marek picked me up at 7:15 and accompanied me on the "trip" to Knórów. I knew the recording might take quite a while, but I didn't think it would take ten hours! The worst part, however, was that they wouldn't let Marek on set! I was furious! Marek had been waiting at the tram stop the entire time, but he'd had enough, so he decided to visit Damian. Unfortunately, he didn't know his exact address (he only knew the street). I had a twenty-minute break around 4:00, so I went outside to buy something to eat. I was incredibly hungry! I met Marek there and was so surprised, thinking he'd already gone home. But he'd been waiting the whole time! That really had to mean SOMETHING. He's a real sweetheart! Without hesitation, I gave him Damian's address, and within half an hour they were at the club where the filming was taking place, both of them. At least Marek had company. I thought the whole filming thing would be over in about thirty minutes, because the director had said we'd have one last take after the break. But alas, I was wrong. It wasn't half an hour, but an hour and a half! Fifteen minutes before the end, I called Damian, and as it turned out, Marek was still waiting for me. However, when I told him I didn't know how much longer it would be, he decided to take the first tram home. After fifteen minutes, I got out, and what did I see? A tram with Damian and Marek departing! That was truly bad luck! The guys got off at the next stop, and I walked toward them. I was so angry I was boiling. And they were walking, laughing. As they later told me, it was so stupid it was funny. A few meters further, Damian turned left toward the house, and we drove to Bytom. You have no idea how guilty I felt that Marek had waited for me so long. I knew he'd get a terrible scolding, and it was all my fault! I felt so stupid! I went with Marek to the station because he had his own bus from there. We still had ten minutes to get there, so we sat on the railings. Marek put his arm around me and we started talking about the day, occasionally interspersed with sweet nothings. Suddenly, his bus arrived, and at that moment, I received a kiss on the cheek from Marek. I completely didn't expect it! If only I'd had time to reciprocate, I would have. But unfortunately, it was too late. He drove off, and I thought I wouldn't make it home (not just because my shoes were so sore), because my legs were so soft. Five minutes later, I was in a taxi, heading to my grandmother's, where I was supposed to meet my parents. My mother went outside and paid for me, and my feet were so sore that I had to borrow my grandmother's flip-flops, otherwise I wouldn't have made it home.
The next day, I found out Marek was banned from leaving the house. That absolutely crushed me! But after talking to him on the phone, I felt a little better. I plan to visit him (he asked me if I'd come over) on Sunday, but I don't know yet how I'll look after tomorrow's wedding. My aunt is getting married. It's going to be quite a party! For now, I'm off to bed because I need to get some sleep before the wedding tomorrow
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