My thoughts are swirling around me. I'm here, and yet completely somewhere else. At times, I feel as if I'm not even here. I hear a sound. Wait... isn't that the sound of a car that just stopped near the bench I'm currently sitting on? Yes, yes... I think so. It's gone now. Disappeared. As if the person in that car didn't want to see me. Or maybe it was someone I knew? I don't know... I didn't see anyone. It was very dark. A terrible cold enveloped me. I still feel as if I have no clothes on. Not even underwear. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I'm sitting here alone and I don't know how to react. Terrifying thoughts are swirling in my head. No, no... I don't want to think about anything right now. I just want to fall asleep. Like a little child. And wake up without any problems. But... is that possible? It's not that easy to forget important things. You know what I mean? Of course... my problem is related to love. Like everyone's problem, isn't it? Exactly. He's never been with me. Didn't want to, or maybe he just never saw my strengths? Well... sometimes it happens, but I care about him a lot. He's simply wonderful. I've never met such a romantic guy. I saw that sparkle in his eyes. It wasn't an ordinary sight. It was an incredible event. I wish I could see his beautiful face and those eyes again. I can't wait for him to come back. He's actually my friend, but I treat him completely differently. Only he doesn't seem to notice. Maybe that's even better? Because if he wanted to share his whole life with me, it would have happened long ago. But... maybe he's seeing someone else, some other girl? Very possible. After all... does he have to tell me the whole truth about his life? No... do I have to tell him about myself, my thoughts, dreams, and worries? I don't have to, but I do anyway. Because I... I simply love him, and I couldn't function normally if he didn't know everything about me. I feel like I've lost a part of my life.
"Robert?? When will you finally come to me? I love you so much and... I need you. I wonder how you're doing?"
I decided to write him a letter. But... will he write back? I highly doubt it. I might never see him again, never hear the tone of his voice, never see those tiny letters forming a loose pattern on the page. But... my dream can't just dissolve. It can't just slip out of my head... That wouldn't be fair. Now I need a moment of rest. Put all my thoughts together. Now they're scattered somewhere close to me, but still... not inside me. I feel as if my problems aren't mine, and I... as if I weren't the same girl. Or maybe I'm not? Maybe I've changed? To someone who can't fully control their own life? Could this be true? I hope not... but in the end... anything can happen. Now I think I'm waiting for some miracle. For some sign. From him. I wait and wait. In vain? Is it worth it? Is it worth being here and making plans for the future? Because when he appears here, in this place, before me, everything could become so beautiful again. I have time... When he arrives here, I'll simply... sway once more in my dreams and look at him like he used to... Now I'm invisible in his eyes. He's gone. Maybe he'll never come back. But... I'll wait. Because I think I have nothing more important to do. Yes... that's all I have left. For now. I'm tired. I'll go to sleep. Because when he appears here, I'll wake up. Now, when I sleep, like a little child, I won't think... of anything. Not about my problems, which have surrounded me my whole life. Not about them... I fell asleep, but I hope to see him again. It has to happen because... I desire it so much. Can't my desires be turned into truth? It's always been this way, that no one noticed my needs. Everything turned against me, but now... now everything can change. I'll wait... because I have time... I opened my greenish-yellow eyes for a moment to look at the door. But no... he's still not there. Now, with so many important things flashing through my mind, I... I simply don't feel the way I used to. Like a little girl running away from her friend, searching for new experiences, playing hide-and-seek... Now I'm 23 and a worried girl, a woman who... thinks only about resolving all these complicated matters. But... it's not that simple. Maybe it's impossible to turn around for the better. Now I fall asleep again and... maybe I'll never wake up again? But... despite everything, I fell asleep like the little girl I was not long ago, and I slowly forget about my problems. About my worries that refuse to leave my head. I'm desperate, but... I'll cope because... I have the strength within me to... live normally. To feel the absence of worries and new premonitions of a worse tomorrow.
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