Purpose

 

I waded deep into the dark forest, seeking solace for the wounds opened by the past. Mist curled everywhere. A magnificent, milky mist. The entire forest was a rotten green. It had rained recently, so the air was fresh, and the view seemed to be through glass. Pure, mystical. Behind me lay the past and the pain. Ahead, the unknown. I hesitated. I was afraid to know the future. But I knew I couldn't stop; I would be overtaken by monsters created by what had already happened, by episodes impossible to forget. I took a hesitant step forward. Then another, and another. And still they followed me. They knew perfectly well that one day I would surrender, that they would catch me and envelop me in utter darkness. Taking people's souls doesn't amuse them. They probably suffer a little in the process, but that's their task. The Dark Lord demands absolute obedience and brooks no resistance. However, he enjoys delaying, postponing the inevitable. This seems to amuse him. So many centuries fulfilling their destiny, needing some distraction. I wonder if he ever suffered himself? Somewhere, up ahead, among the trees, happiness awaits me at last. But I must strive. During my journey, it too may turn against me. I don't want to... The very thought is painful. I see a girl there. In a white dress. There's something about those white dresses. They're exquisitely magical... She's picking flowers. In a forest shrouded in mist. I stop again. I hear slow footsteps behind me. I'm afraid to approach. She's smiling, happy, beautiful... I've seen her somewhere before. I know her from somewhere. She's spotted me. What a warm smile. Now I can't resist. I feel like life has set a trap for me again. And now I'll smile truly sincerely and let myself be drawn into it. The charm of traps is the sweetness of the bait. I walk. Man is a strange creature. He can smell a trick, but when he can take even a little pleasure from it... he doesn't think—he takes it. I can't stop. I know how it will end, but I can't stop. There's no anger in me. I know she too will turn into a demon, but... for now, she's an angel.

"Hello," I said warmly.

"I've been waiting for you."

I lowered my head with a smile. She didn't even hide her calling.

"The flowers told me you were coming," she smiled like a child. "So, so sincerely." My strength had ebbed. I really didn't want to talk and wade into this mess, but there was no turning back. "

Have you noticed that everything's happening quite quickly lately? It's impossible to capture the moment. You can't savor it anymore, feel it at all."

"But what are these moments for? Only those that bring happiness are important."

"But fleeting happiness... it's also a moment, or at least it seems to be. So it's worth remembering, storing it in your memory.

" "But if happiness leaves you, the next one is certain to come. Then it's a shame to remember the previous one. At least it's not appropriate in the face of the new one."

"Memory remains. It doesn't matter if we talk about it with the new one.

" "But that's cheating. If you don't tell your new love that you still love the old one. That's cheating not only on yourself, but also on your other half!

" "No, you shouldn't just forget. Nobody wants to die. And dying in someone else's memory is almost like physically following the Grim Reaper's scythe. Why am I talking to you so openly?" she ignored the question. "

We differ. At least in our views..."

"Not the sun, physically, you have to believe me, too!" she smiled. Again. "

So can I go with you? At least we'll talk. I promise that if the moment comes, I won't stop. I'll keep walking, like you – all the time. Just in a different direction."

"Don't you regret leaving this land?"

"Nothing keeps me in it. Besides, there's still a forest. The same as this one. Only the trees are different."

She was similar to me. She deviated from the usual patterns. But maybe on purpose. To lull my guard back down. I stopped caring. I felt good with her. Yet every smile held a touch of bitterness. The more attached I became to her, the more anxiously I awaited Day. Or perhaps Night? Time doesn't matter. Only pain matters. But day never came. We kept talking. We reached similar conclusions. An unwritten law arose between us that we would never reach a 100% agreement. Full consensus is initially satisfying, but quickly becomes boring. And so we could always return to a topic, because we never truly finished any. After a while, we longed to see something other than trees. Mountains, lakes—at least the desert! Everywhere, the same mystical forest often unsettled us. That forest became the cause of an argument. I'm not allowed to remember bad memories. I don't remember how the argument unfolded. We parted ways. I guess she loved me, because she didn't stop. She just went in a different direction. She didn't overtake me. She didn't retreat because she didn't want to become my enemy like those masses. She went left. Why not right? Strange, but when she walked with me—I forgot about the monsters. She was wonderful. She laughed the whole way. She walked in her white dress the entire time. The dress didn't change color, even though we often walked through mud. Her hands were still silky. And her eyes. Her eyes are indescribable. You have to feel them. You have to delve into them to… She was unique.

I'm slowly getting tired of wandering. I was with her only a short while, and I know that wandering without her is pointless. After a few days of wandering, I decided not to go any further. There was no point in wandering. Even the monsters of the past seemed friendlier than reality and the everyday routine of an insignificant existence. I myself was nothing. I was dust, not worth mentioning. To her, I was someone. Perhaps an entire world, one she wanted to inhabit and feel safe in. And I longed to inhabit her and care for her. Or maybe I'm imagining it wrong. Maybe we should move into the same world? To nurture and protect it together. This world is probably called home. Why didn't we find it? Who was to blame? I guess everyone is overcome at such a moment by a wave of warmth, pushing them to various actions. I couldn't go back. I couldn't go any further either. I stopped. Darkness. It consumed me, but when I stopped, I stopped thinking about the past. I remembered no one anymore. Only her. I waited for the blow. I stood thinking about her and remembering the times we shared. I wanted to pass so quickly. Night came. For the first time, I felt night in the forest. Yes, I did, because my eyes saw nothing. I didn't even notice the monsters passing by. They passed me and my reverie. Ridiculous. They didn't even notice me. It seemed to me they were running away from something. The sun was behind them. I saw it. It smiled at me. I smiled back. I realized I had nothing to do. I had no one to run away from. I had nowhere to go. I never had. No, I wouldn't go left, because I'd never catch up with her. So I'd go straight. I walked again. But this time I was walking. Before, it had been an escape. Now I couldn't be happy. I walked without the burden of monsters. I walked without the burden of feelings. I had only one, heavy, but it fit in my pocket. This feeling is universal. It always fits everywhere and you can take it with you. But no one wants it. It's sadness. So I walked, sadness in my pocket. Sometimes I fed him. Sometimes he helped himself. I kept trying to remember. I didn't want to forget the first happiness in my life that hadn't turned against me. It was strange, but even after several years of wandering, I didn't feel any regret. I think I still loved her. She probably didn't love me. I kept walking. Until one day, suddenly, our paths crossed again. I guess it's because the planet is round, and somehow, traveling at different speeds, only in a straight line... never mind—we met again. And before us stretched the walls of waterfalls.