SECRETNESS

I fled, hiding my inner self from the entire world.

I was afraid to open the door to my soul, to let in a fragment of the many turbulences trapped in the stagnation of reality. A tree growing on a mound of my fear has gnawed away the image before my eyes. It doesn't matter what it was like...

It's gone, and in the distance I see a desolate grayness howling with suffering. I stand before it, wanting to hide my thoughts, but I can't. One by one, they flee into the superstitions of an unknown self, laughing at me. And I stand...

Propped up in pain, the gray reality looks at me with an exceedingly strange gaze.

The glow escaping from beneath its eyelids jolts me to the ground, screaming words of flaw and suffering, only to whisper with pity, crying into my chamber of dreams.

My soul bursts into the air, but I don't let it go.

I fear revealing its face.

I fear being crushed.

I fear mockery.

And most of all, I fear falsehood, which only waits to capture my secrets and my secrets.

Then it will shatter them into dust, feeding them to its own interior. And then I will be like a bird unable to soar.

I will be like a chick fed on nostalgia, from which the happiness of morning dew has been erased, and I will be like a golden thought locked in the dungeon of damnation, fading with each passing day.

So I fled and continue to flee…

Dressed in the iron armor of life, I erase the scent of my existence behind me.

I have already hidden my soul deep within me, nurturing it and gazing upon it by day, and at night, watching by its side until the first fiery light of dawn.

I will not give it to anyone. I lock all my thoughts in a single chamber, which I will strangle later, when I reach where I desire.

But where do I want to go…?

I'm terrified to think about it, so I want to flee even further in the armor of life...

Even further...

...I reached a very distant, empty place that breathed the mystery of ancient ages.

In the depths of its secretiveness, I heard words with strange meanings, completely incomprehensible and clouded in their color.

I passed human interiors beyond the horizon of my thoughts.

They were similar to my own suffering, yet so different.

They crawled in the air, waiting for the winds of joyful news, and around them gushed a joyful fragrance. From their consciousness poured a boiling torrent of a fragment of their fulfillment, so close that I could almost taste it.

The shape of my person was impaled in a powerful armor by the nails of inaccessibility, and the center of my being rocked by a calm.

It was a deadly calm. And yet, somewhere deep beneath, I felt a thorn of fear and uncertainty.

I felt that the door I had closed in the face of fear of tomorrow would poison my soul, which would disturb the harmony of my consciousness in fear.

I finally felt the sound of marching, crippled thoughts.

I knew they were approaching from within, and I wouldn't have time to escape.

I wouldn't have time to escape, and I wouldn't be able to run. I should stand and shed the armor of secrecy, and then, with the fearless glow of my conscience, join my brothers, liberated from the crippling egotism and fear of their own debilitating consciousness.

I rested on a stone near the dense vegetation. Their fruits penetrated my iron and arid worldview, but at a certain moment they were stopped by the cold, seeping from the increasingly porous walls surrounding my identity.

No one had access there. Any traveler trying to penetrate this chamber would self-annihilate.

I felt the terror surrounding me more and more acutely, its deadly gaze.

Just beyond it, I saw loneliness lurking. It was very close, but a thought, piercing the nostalgia of the cloudy sky, told me it was far away.

I myself couldn't rationally imagine when it would arrive.

Behind it stretched a terrifying void.

Human heads appeared against its backdrop. Their souls had annihilated, dying in their own world, and now they were trying to reach my destiny, but their whispers faded at the gateway to my imaginary aridity, woven from the vibrations of everyday life.

A hum of indecision arose around me.

It was supported by a nostalgic cry for mercy to my buried existential truths. Someone had slipped through this chaos through my hidden abyss. But they left nothing.

Perhaps they had departed, or perhaps they would return…

I should keep running.

I should seek places where I could rest, somewhere in the light of a dead reality.

But someone had slipped by again. Now it pierces my very being.

A shiver of whispering surprise gripped my being, then shattered the wall protecting my treasures with a titanium fist of determination.

And a cold avalanche of sadness poured out, in which I drowned only for a moment, for, embraced by the sunbeam of joyful moments, it melted into it, disappearing from my life.

In a moment, I became one with the soul of my conscience.

I felt the bond of existence with my own interiority, and a surprising concern for the world burst forth.

I gazed at the inspired mountain of fulfillment, at the summit of which stood the cross of buried loneliness.

And yet you are dead. I feared you, and you are dead…

I also saw the dead return from the abyss of sadness. Caught by the daily grind of their fate, they passed into the shackles of oblivion.

Now they return, never to tumble into the grave of loneliness.

And now I see in the distance a man dressed in the iron armor of life, fleeing from himself in the fear of misty loneliness…