How could he? How could he treat me like that...? I'd never given him reason to be jealous, I'd never cheated on him, and now, at the first chance we had an argument, he accused me of just that.
"I already had a girlfriend, and she acted the same way when she found someone else"—that sentence he'd uttered last night rang in my ears. It hurt. It hurt, almost to the point of rage.
"Idiot!" I shouted at the bare walls of my room. I'd been so faithful, so devoted all these years... Surely he should have learned to trust me? Anger swelled inside me, preventing me from thinking about anything else for a moment. A single melody played cheerfully. I jumped out of bed and went to my desk. An apology, for sure... yes, but I didn't feel the slightest desire to forgive. I picked up the phone and returned to the bed I'd "built" with pillows. No, it wasn't Kamil. The number on the screen was unfamiliar.
"As promised, I'm inviting you to a party this Saturday. Come by at 4:00 PM, Boczna Street 12. Best regards, Marcin."
A winter chill ran through my body. Excitement...? Fear...? I read the text again. I looked thoughtfully out the window. Three days to make a decision... but what was there to think about? After all, it wasn't a date, and even if it were... Anger was stripping me of all obligations. The rage I felt for Kamil intensified my desire to go to the party. Especially if Marcin was hosting it... I had just started replying when a voice in my head suddenly awoke: Girl, what are you doing...? You have everything planned out in your life and you want to ruin it...?
"I have it planned out," I said to myself. "But so what?" "
It's great that you remembered me; of course I'll come. Majka."
And what if I do make up with Kamil? What if I miss him and that's stronger than the whole storm I wanted to create immediately if he called? After all, I loved him... even though he'd damaged my ego, he was still very important to me. I ended up not replying. I decided to wait. But really, it was only a matter of time, because my anger at Kamil hadn't subsided at all. Maybe I didn't want it to...?
*
The next day, he came to me, contrite and sad.
"Majka, I'm sorry," he said in a trembling voice as soon as I opened the door. "You know I don't mean it like that..." He looked uncertainly into my eyes. All the hatred vanished in a matter of seconds. Just a few words... And that upset me completely. How could I forgive him everything after hearing "Majka, I'm sorry"? I'd been faithful to him all that year. Faithful like I'd never been to anyone. And only because I'd contradicted him on certain matters two or three times did he claim I had someone else. "I'm jealous because I love you..."
"Your behavior wasn't proof of love."
- But the fact that I came now is, isn't it?
"I guess..." I lowered my gaze and gritted my teeth. I hated this weakness of mine... Kamil was suffering, and I couldn't tell him, "Leave." Just yesterday I'd been close to tears because of how he treated me, and now...? He had tears in his eyes.
"Come in...
"
I didn't know how to inform Marcin I wouldn't be coming, so I put it off forever. On Friday, I went on a major shopping spree, and that evening I invited Kamil over to show him my new "outfits." When I returned from the bathroom decked out in fitted jeans and a fashionable, skimpy, pink blouse, my boyfriend was standing at the desk, holding my phone.
"Someone called," he announced, when suddenly the phone started playing "Crazy Frog." "Oh, again!" he handed it to me. I glanced at the screen, and my heart leapt into my throat.
"Marcin's calling."
I looked at Kamil, genuinely frightened.
"What happened?" he asked, surprised.
"No... nothing." I pressed the red receiver, and the melody stopped a second later.
"Why didn't you answer?" he asked, his eyes widening. I swallowed.
"Never mind... tell me how you like it?" I turned gracefully, feigning naturalness. In reality, I was tense and nervous.
"No, well... It's a blast! You know..." he began, but suddenly his voice drowned out the phone. "Majka, answer it, what's the harm?"
"Well... but..." My throat felt dry, and my voice cracked.
"Give me," Kamil extended his hand toward the phone. "I'll answer it.
" "No..." I took a deep breath. "Hold on. I'll be right back." I turned and quickly ran out of the room.
"Hello?" My heart leapt into my throat. I stood against the hallway wall, clutching my phone tightly.
"Hi, it's Marcin." I glanced at the door to my room. It was closed. And behind it, Kamil...
"Well, hello..." I whispered, narrowing my eyes.
"I couldn't reach you for some reason.
" "Yeah?" I feigned surprise. I was shaking with fear.
"Did you get my text?
" "No, yes... yes.
" "Yes, yes?" he laughed. "So why didn't I get a reply?
" "I don't know... But I'm not going... I can't.
" "Can't you?" he asked disappointedly.
"No..." There was a long silence. For some reason, it hit me at that moment how much my life would change if I went. And yet everything in it was just right. A wonderful boyfriend, friends, family... This "change" was probably only a matter of time, a matter of when I'd finally have the courage to change something?
" "But promise me you'll think about it?
" "Well..." I took a deep breath. "I don't know if I can... Empty promises aren't the best way to start a relationship."
"And yet, a glimmer of hope that you'll come clings to me."
"Madman...
" "Will you reconsider the invitation...?
" "I'll think about it...
" "I'm very happy about that.
" "I have to go...
" "Sure... so let me know tomorrow. What did you decide...
" "Fine...
" "For now.
" "Bye." The red receiver rang. "Phew..." I stood there for a moment, trying to calm myself. Who was calling, who was calling...? I had to think of something... A few steps, the doorknob... and Kamil's gaze, a look ready to attack, saying it all: "I didn't like that behavior." He sat on the bed and didn't say a word. I put the phone back on the desk and, leaning against it, stared out the window.
"Who called?" he asked after a moment with irony he didn't even try to hide.
"This guy... he's been bothering me for days.
" "Tormenting me? And that's why you had to go to the other room for that 'conversation'?" I looked at him in surprise. I hadn't expected such a statement. "Your hands are shaking. Are you nervous?" His gaze was glaring. Ready to read every lie, every slightest mistake, saying: She's lying. I gritted my teeth. For the first time in my life, I didn't know what to say. How to dismiss him... "Aha," he broke the silence. "I understand. Maybe I'll go now." He stood up and, without saying anything else, moved toward the door.
"Kamil, wait!" I grabbed his shirtsleeve. "I don't want you to think anything...
" "So explain to me who called.
" "I told you!
" "A guy like that, who's bothering you? What guy? What's his name? Why is he bothering you? Why did you run away with his cell phone when he called?" I turned my head to the other side, holding back tears. He was standing right next to me, watching me furiously.
"Either you understand without words, or I'm keeping you unnecessarily," I whispered in a trembling voice. A few seconds later, I was alone in the room...
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