This story begins with my passion for football. My favorite team was supposed to play on Saturday. I'd been rooting for them since I was eight, when, upon seeing a brilliantly simulated foul, I nearly fell off my chair. I was such a bright child that I quickly realized why that team had only lost once in their entire career. I didn't understand the simplicity of referees who fell for such tricks. I decided to practice the Ariel CK method, and to this day, I'm perfectly capable of faking both minor and serious injuries. Unfortunately, I didn't become a football star because, lacking peers, I was forced to play with older teammates, who were only encouraged by my simulated fouls – they themselves played dirty, sometimes using sharp objects (ouch! that hurts!). So, all that was left were unfulfilled dreams and monthly trips to matches.
I wanted to get a good seat for Saturday's event, so I rushed to buy a ticket a week in advance. I got into my green car and headed to my destination. Imagine my surprise when I noticed the cash register was missing! Nothing! Empty! The cashier wasn't there either. Where else could she be, since her job didn't exist?! Everything around me remained unchanged. Only the cash register had vanished. Just when I wanted to buy a ticket to the match... I must have looked strange, because I stood rooted to the spot for about three minutes. It probably would have taken longer, but an elegant man in a black suit caught my eye. He was leisurely strolling from left to right along the sidewalk, repeating his activity several times. I decided that since he wasn't busy, I'd ask him about the ticket office's location (I had to get it!). He might know something about it.
A moment later, I was right next to him. I glanced up, about to start a conversation... Then something caught me off guard. The man was wearing a tie with a very unusual design, quite hideous in my opinion—it depicted a child with a severed head. I wanted to slowly back away, turn around, and run as fast as I could, but the dapper weirdo stopped and said,
"What do you wish, dear lady?"
I looked around. We were alone. He was talking to me!
"Excuse me, but... ahem... I'm a man... You know, a guy, a boy... Surely you can tell a man from a woman?
" "It's possible, quite possible... Your frail build, your feminine features, that hair... But it's irrelevant anyway! Woman or man? What do I care?! As if you worked so hard... Ugh... It's not worth talking about..."
I became a little offended. I might not have been significantly muscular, but I certainly looked like my gender.
"You're not doing anything," I said after a moment, looking at him with a madman's gaze.
"Oh heavens! I'm doing nothing?! Who works harder than me? Only God, I guess! As if you had..."
"SIR! I'M A MAN!" I was getting really angry.
"...if you had as many things on your mind as I do, you would have long ago confused a nine-pointer with a ten-pointer."
I opened my mouth to ask about concepts I didn't understand, but I couldn't get the words out.
"Get out of my sight, you simpleton! You'll regret not respecting the efforts of an honest man!"
A moment later, the man took a handkerchief from his pocket and—to my surprise—a wooden stick, then folded everything into a rather large flag. However, it wasn't a white flag of peace, as it might seem. There was no question of any kind of ceasefire. On the handkerchief was the red inscription "GET OUT OF MY EYES!" I preferred not to wait any longer. Who knows what else could have happened? I fled. I heard a loud, shrill laughter behind me, but to this day I'm not sure if it wasn't just my imagination
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