Soft music flowed slowly from the speakers, no sounds came from the street. Everyone was already asleep. As was my habit, during those long autumn evenings, always at this time, I was sitting in a comfortable armchair, reading another chapter of a fascinating book.
Suddenly, I felt a gust of cold air. A chill ran through my entire body. I turned and saw, to my surprise and utter horror, a monster emerging from under my bed!
I was speechless, fear paralyzed, I didn't know what to do. Call the police, call the neighbors, fight hand-to-hand... I'd never seen a monster under my bed before!
It approached me slowly, bulging its large eye, located at chest level. The other eyes, located on the foreheads that sprouted from its head—four pairs, to be precise—were closed. Apparently, the light from the 60-watt bulb was bothering them.
It approached me slowly and asked,
"Where is it?" His voice seemed to imitate the sound of a pig being slaughtered.
"Ah... but... but what?" I replied, once I'd recovered from my deep shock. It's not every day you see such things and have the opportunity to chat with them for a while.
"Don't play the fool," he replied. "It's always been here, and today it's gone. You know perfectly well what I'm talking about!" I noticed that as he spoke, he was drooling profusely, and some of his oral secretions, strangely enough, were directed at my face.
"But I really don't know what you're talking about. Could I ask you a follow-up question?
" "Where's my cookie?" he howled, making the walls tremble with fear. "You won't cheat on me anymore. I know someone stole it and won't give it back, and you're the only suspect. And yes! You'll be the one explaining yourself to me." He was clearly trying to be eloquent.
"I don't understand," I replied. "What kind of cookie? There aren't any cookies here, and there never have been any!" I was already screaming, fear and indignation having destabilized all my self-preservation instincts. I could no longer remain calm. Such slander! That I supposedly stole a cookie from under the monster's nose! That I supposedly am a common thief! And in my own home, too! This is unacceptable! This is slander!" My behavior at that moment was similar to that of a man on the street, blocking the road. Vulgar and full of hatred. "I don't agree to such treatment!" I shouted, standing directly in front of the monster. "Such treatment is simply unacceptable! That's why I demand that this matter be resolved as quickly as possible!!! If necessary, please convene a special commission to investigate these slanders!" I also demand… – Here, I admit, my political views and demands came into play (I've always had a strong inclination towards politics, but somehow I never got around to it) – – change the system, the constitution, and the ownership rights of former German and former Polish lands!!! I'm not saying it categorically!!! – I concluded.
When I opened my eyes, I saw, to my profound surprise, the monster slowly retreating towards the bed, intending to disappear there as quickly as possible. He muttered an apology, saying he hadn't meant to upset me, that they had ordered him to, and he was just blindly following orders. He also promised, even swore, that none of his colleagues would ever bother me again. And he himself would suggest to the boss that he block the door under my bed. And he disappeared.
I must admit, I felt a sense of pride. I'd always been so shy (especially around women, whom I considered particularly terrifying and monstrous), and yet here I was, suddenly dissuading a real, flesh-and-blood monster from his strange demands. It was a wonderful feeling.
I remember it like it was yesterday, even though it happened so many years ago. And I'm bursting with pride as I eat the evening cookie left by God knows who by my bed.
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