Harry the Crazy One and the Leaky Bed

 

The holidays were ending, and Harry was getting ready to return to Hogwarts. He was recovering from the latest beating by his godfather, Sirius. He was just pulling the last of the snot out of his nose when a drunk, pigeon-dusted owl knocked on his window. Around its neck was a note that read, "We don't want you at Hogwarts, you filth." The signature read, "All teachers." Harry was delighted with such invitations. He finished packing a suitcase full of stinking underwear. He left Velvet and Petunia's house, dragging his stained duffel bag along the ground with one shoe and one sock. At the train station, he went to platform 4125. There, sitting on a bench, was Hermione with blue, black eyes, and Ron would have looked quite normal if it weren't for the singed hair on half his head and the pen stuck in his ear. Harry shouted, "Yo, mate!" Then he greeted his friend in a way known only to them. They clapped their hands, then exchanged fists, slapped each other on the forehead, and finally stuck two fingers up each other's noses. Ron pulled them out and saw a disgusting, slippery, yellow mess on them. "Harry! Do you still have a runny nose?" He replied, "Not only do you have a runny nose, but I also have wax leaking from my ears." During their pleasant chat, they didn't notice a dirty, spray-painted train pull onto the platform. All three of them scrambled to find good seats. The compartment was empty, but they had to clear the seats of snotty tissues, leftover pizza, and a stinking sock. The journey passed quickly, as Ron took off his shoes and the stench quickly lulled them to sleep. The friends were awakened by a gentle punch to the jaw from the drunken conductor, who said, "Wake up! We've arrived at Hogwarts." When Harry opened his eyes, he noticed he'd peed in his pants. The three of them retired to their dormitories. Exhausted, they fell asleep. Ron slept beneath Harry. He woke up to find himself splashing in a puddle of pee. He shouted indignantly:"Harry, don't piss!" At this, he let out a particularly stinking fart, which bubbled like a clogged sink as it emerged from under his pee. In the morning, Ron said, "Harry, maybe we could have scrambled eggs made from Hagrid's dragon egg." "No! No thanks, I also have some earwax-flavored candy." "Then we'll make an omelette with your candy and my egg," Ron said. After frying the omelette, they went to bathe. Meanwhile, Malfoy devoured their food and put fried goat droppings in the pan. After their baths, the boys began to eat. The goat droppings crunched in their mouths like dog food. After a tasty breakfast, they went to Potions class. The terrible stench from their breath scared away the other children, who had squatted in the corners. At that, Snape roared, "You're 10 minutes late! Gryffindor loses 50 points. Hahahahahahaha!!! Harry pissed all over his chair in shock, and a green cloud of stinking belch escaped Ron's mouth. They glared at the teacher like a Shrek-like cat. Snape felt sorry for them and ordered them to the enchanted forest. There, they encountered Hagrid, who was squatting and pooping under a gummiberry bush. He hurriedly pulled on his shit-covered underwear and greeted the boys: "Hey. Where are you going, you stinking farts?" "Ahead." While they were chatting about this and that, an angry Voldemort suddenly jumped down from a tree. Unfortunately, his trousers fell off, revealing his red, duck-print underpants. Pulling up his underwear, he said:"Harry, I'll deal with you again. Tomorrow at the Quidditch match, I'll get you." And he hurried off, stepping in Hagrid's poop. Harry and Ron looked at each other. The next morning, Potter and Weasley, as usual, woke up in a puddle of pee and headed off to the match. Harry mounted his Sweepstake and took off, chasing the Golden Snitch, which turned out to be a rabbit with matted fur, and its wings were its ears. As it flew over the audience, it spewed a mass of black droppings. The audience thought they were multi-flavored candy and swallowed them. Voldemort rubbed his mangy hands, knowing he'd nicked Harry's broomstick. Luckily, Hermione noticed the cut and shouted, "Harry, your broomstick is broken!" But during this chat, he spat blood and feathers at the audience because a sparrow fell into his mouth as he yawned. He glanced at Hermione, whose uncombed hair was standing like strings. The snot hanging from his nose broke off and fell onto hers. Hermione licked her lips and scratched her rump. Harry was almost touching the Golden Snitch (rabbit) when the broomstick broke, and a large splinter lodged itself in his backside. He fell straight into the arms of his teacher, who was flossing her teeth. When she pulled it out, two small caterpillars were dangling there. Harry's tooth fell so hard that he slammed his tooth into her breast. Voldemort, delighted, approached, stuffed an old sock into the boy's mouth, and smacked him in the face, leaving Harry with two more teeth and looking like a nutcracker ad. Hermione went over to him and pulled a splinter from his arse. Blood gushed like a fountain. They carried him to the hospital wing, where he was given a horse shot, which made him chew the lawn and grow hooves. Hermione fed him hay. When Harry let out a long, stinking fart, everyone turned yellow and their eyes bulged. The boy covered himself with the blanket in shame. While he was in the hospital, Ron had his first dry night. And so the school year ended. Harry, with his failing report card, began packing his dirty underwear and shirt, thinking how happy his Aunt Petunia would be when he showed her his pissed-on report card.Harry mounted his Sweeper and took off, chasing the Golden Snitch, which turned out to be a rabbit with matted fur, its wings serving as its ears. As it flew over the audience, it spewed out a mass of black droppings. The audience thought they were multi-flavored candies and gobbled them up. Voldemort rubbed his mangy hands, knowing he'd nicked Harry's broomstick. Luckily, Hermione noticed the cut and shouted, "Harry, your broomstick is broken!" But during that chat, he spat blood and feathers at the audience because a sparrow fell into his mouth as he yawned. He glanced at Hermione, whose uncombed hair was standing up like strings. The slime hanging from his nose broke off and fell onto hers. Hermione licked her lips and scratched her rump. Harry was almost touching the Golden Snitch (a rabbit) when the broomstick broke, and a large splinter lodged itself in his backside. He fell straight into the arms of his teacher, who was flossing her teeth. When she pulled it out, two small caterpillars were dangling there. Harry's tooth slammed into her breast. Voldemort, delighted, approached, stuffed an old sock into the boy's mouth, and smacked him in the face. Harry lost two more teeth and looked like a Nutcracker ad. Hermione went over to him and pulled the splinter out of his backside. Blood gushed like a fountain. They carried him to the hospital wing, where he was given a horse shot, which made him chew the lawn and grow hooves. Hermione fed him hay. When Harry let out a long, stinking fart, everyone turned yellow and their eyes popped out. The boy covered himself with the blanket in shame. While he was in the hospital, Ron had experienced the first dry night of his life. And so the school year ended. Harry, with his failing report card, began packing his dirty underwear and shirt, thinking how pleased his Aunt Petunia would be when he showed her his piss-covered report card.Harry mounted his Sweeper and took off, chasing the Golden Snitch, which turned out to be a rabbit with matted fur, its wings serving as its ears. As it flew over the audience, it spewed out a mass of black droppings. The audience thought they were multi-flavored candies and gobbled them up. Voldemort rubbed his mangy hands, knowing he'd nicked Harry's broomstick. Luckily, Hermione noticed the cut and shouted, "Harry, your broomstick is broken!" But during that chat, he spat blood and feathers at the audience because a sparrow fell into his mouth as he yawned. He glanced at Hermione, whose uncombed hair was standing up like strings. The slime hanging from his nose broke off and fell onto hers. Hermione licked her lips and scratched her rump. Harry was almost touching the Golden Snitch (a rabbit) when the broomstick broke, and a large splinter lodged itself in his backside. He fell straight into the arms of his teacher, who was flossing her teeth. When she pulled it out, two small caterpillars were dangling there. Harry's tooth slammed into her breast. Voldemort, delighted, approached, stuffed an old sock into the boy's mouth, and smacked him in the face. Harry lost two more teeth and looked like a Nutcracker ad. Hermione went over to him and pulled the splinter out of his backside. Blood gushed like a fountain. They carried him to the hospital wing, where he was given a horse shot, which made him chew the lawn and grow hooves. Hermione fed him hay. When Harry let out a long, stinking fart, everyone turned yellow and their eyes popped out. The boy covered himself with the blanket in shame. While he was in the hospital, Ron had experienced the first dry night of his life. And so the school year ended. Harry, with his failing report card, began packing his dirty underwear and shirt, thinking how pleased his Aunt Petunia would be when he showed her his piss-covered report card.whose uncombed hair stood on end like strings. The snot hanging from his nose broke off and fell onto hers. Hermione licked her lips and scratched her rump. Harry was almost touching the Golden Snitch (a rabbit) when the broomstick broke, and a large splinter lodged itself in his arse. He fell straight into the arms of his teacher, who was flossing her teeth. When she pulled it out, two small caterpillars were dangling there. Harry had hit his tooth so hard that he slammed it into her breast. Voldemort, delighted, approached, stuffed an old sock into the boy's mouth, and smacked him in the face, leaving Harry with two more teeth and looking like a nutcracker ad. Hermione went over to him and pulled the splinter out of his arse. Blood gushed like a fountain. They carried him to the hospital wing, where he was given a horse shot, which made him chew the lawn and grow hooves. Hermione fed him hay. When Harry let out a long, stinking fart, everyone turned yellow and their eyes bulged. The boy covered himself with the blanket in shame. While he was in the hospital, Ron had his first dry night. And so the school year ended. Harry, with his failing report card, began packing his dirty underwear and shirt, thinking how happy his Aunt Petunia would be when he showed her his pissed-on report card.whose uncombed hair stood on end like strings. The snot hanging from his nose broke off and fell onto hers. Hermione licked her lips and scratched her rump. Harry was almost touching the Golden Snitch (a rabbit) when the broomstick broke, and a large splinter lodged itself in his arse. He fell straight into the arms of his teacher, who was flossing her teeth. When she pulled it out, two small caterpillars were dangling there. Harry had hit his tooth so hard that he slammed it into her breast. Voldemort, delighted, approached, stuffed an old sock into the boy's mouth, and smacked him in the face, leaving Harry with two more teeth and looking like a nutcracker ad. Hermione went over to him and pulled the splinter out of his arse. Blood gushed like a fountain. They carried him to the hospital wing, where he was given a horse shot, which made him chew the lawn and grow hooves. Hermione fed him hay. When Harry let out a long, stinking fart, everyone turned yellow and their eyes bulged. The boy covered himself with the blanket in shame. While he was in the hospital, Ron had his first dry night. And so the school year ended. Harry, with his failing report card, began packing his dirty underwear and shirt, thinking how happy his Aunt Petunia would be when he showed her his pissed-on report card.