Something told me not to come in here. I don't know how it happens, but every choice I make is wrong. Even if I decide to act against myself and my own way of thinking, I always end up in trouble. Like now.
The older bandit kicked me again. That damned sadist must have enjoyed it, because I don't think he was just doing it to discourage me from running away. That bastard must have thought the mere sight of the weapon had cooled my resolve. He kicked me again, this time under the ribs, and returned to his companions.
The rope binding my hands was quite sturdy. There was no way I could break it. I had to resort to trickery.
"Mr. bandit, would you mind a moment?"
The bearded one approached me, not in a hurry.
"What did he want?
" "Because... I urgently need to...
" "Well, piss in your pants and don't bother me.
Let me meet one of the authors of those recently fashionable adventure books sometime." He'll lose the will to write down unproven ideas for deceiving the kidnapper. Plan number one needs to be crossed out with a thick ink line. Unfortunately, my escape plans ended there. Another opportunity presented itself.
The bandits rose from the table, groaning, taking their belongings with them. Yes, yes, they'd definitely forgotten about me. They'd leave now, forgotten, and some hunter would find me here tomorrow. The bandit's heavy boot shattered that hope. The bearded man lifted me from my knees and pushed me toward the cave entrance. Good God, if I don't think of something now, I'll never find my way home. I waited until we entered the forest and threw myself on the grass. I spat on my beard and started feigning a convulsion.
"Get up, target!" shouted the grizzliest of the bandits.
"Wait, Raven, don't touch me," the bearded man stopped him, who was about to kick him.
"Yeah, better leave the son of a bitch." Only Janosik knows what's wrong with him," the gang leader agreed.
"It could be typhus, or worse... gonorrhea!" the bearded man finished the discussion, and all three jumped back. I don't know anything about medicine, but I know one thing for sure: Stupidity doesn't hurt.
They left, by no means in silence. As soon as they disappeared from the horizon, I ran to the village as fast as I could. I ran into the house. My mother, seeing my devastation, asked sympathetically,
"Where the fuck have you been?"
"No, Mom, you won't believe what happened to me...
" "Of course I won't. You and your fucking excuses. You don't have a father, you bastard—your father would have taught you sense quickly back home. And you brought the mushrooms..."
"Mom, I'm telling you, a terrible thing happened to me..."
"It's not scary, you little gigolo," she added finally, and threw something in my direction. Fortunately, I didn't have the chance to bump into that little thing. I ran out into the yard. There, a brilliant idea struck me – I could become a member of a band of bandits! After all, those bandits weren't so bad..
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