And again they slipped from my body. And again a salty tear ran down my cheek… And again the same thing, and again with the thought of you. And again I looked into your eyes. Again, frightened, I opened my mouth to say your name. I no longer listen to reason, I no longer desire a static life, I desire nothing except your gaze, your touch… A touch that has long since vanished into the past. You are the only purpose of my life. You are the one who dwells in my mind.
My thoughts go back to that day when you brought your lips to mine. We joined in a passionate kiss. You know well that that day was probably one of the happiest, most wonderful. The next morning I woke up thinking it was just a dream. I blinked a few times and, to my delight, realized that the event had actually happened. I stretched with a smile on my face. Back then, I didn't care. The world didn't exist for me. No, correction. To me, you were my whole world. You were my only companion. I practically skipped around the apartment, the street... You have no idea what was going on in my mind. I was happy. Believe me, I was truly happy. Like never before.
I wish I could forget, I wish I could erase from my mind those days when I felt the touch of your lips, the touch of your hands. I long to wrap myself in emptiness and once and for all banish all those memories that sometimes keep me awake. I have that beautiful evening in my head. With my joy, I crossed all boundaries. Nothing mattered, no one mattered, there was only you. Go, go away... I've had enough of this eternal journey back to that day. I no longer want to feel the taste of your lips on mine, I no longer want to remember that mad dance of tongues. I dream of forgetting the touch of your hands. I don't want to remember that look that told me unequivocally: "I remember Saturday, do you?" I beg you, let me finally breathe.
I wish a smile would finally appear on my face. I wish I could turn back time. Maybe then I wouldn't have felt what I feel for you now? Maybe then I wouldn't have gone to this place, maybe I wouldn't have shaken your hand, maybe I wouldn't have said my name...? Maybe I wouldn't have heard, "It's so nice!" Then I would have lived with peace in my heart, then there wouldn't be so many painful memories. Then my thoughts wouldn't be filled with you.
I cry again. I look down at the ground again. Snowflakes fall on my hair. I inhale from my cigarette. A pleasant melody reaches my ears... A melody emerging from your fingers. You don't let me forget. You're killing me, you know? When I think about never having you by my side, my heartbeat becomes irregular... My blood pressure rises. I feel like punching the wall. I cry... I cry like a tiny child, not thinking about anything.
Oh my God, why am I so weak? Why has this man become my replacement? Why have you made me so dependent on him? Why do I need his gaze, his voice... like a smoker's morning cigarette? Why would I be willing to give my life for him? I fell in love. It wasn't mutual. And I feel bad about it.
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