"Hi, Irma!" We're back. Come to the living room, we'll talk.
" "Okay! I'm coming!"
My mother's voice was laced with sadness. When I entered the room, their eyes looked at me. They were filled with pain and fear. My mother looked as if she were about to cry. My father, on the other hand, looked very miserable. His cheeks were sunken, and there were dark circles under his eyes. He worked very hard, which is why his appearance sometimes put off patients. My father was a doctor, a head physician at a regional hospital. I sat down in the armchair across from my parents and placed the sandwiches on the table. My mother started the conversation:
"Irma... What you're about to hear is irrefutable. I've agreed on everything with your father. So don't argue and don't ask why, okay?
" "If this is about me, then I think I should have a say in it too. Don't you?
" "Maybe so. But this is mainly about us, your parents. We made the final decision, and you have to agree with it. Please, let's not argue...
" "But Mom...
" "Irma," my father interrupted in a strained voice. "As your father, I can forbid you from doing certain things, or not. Listen to your mother. I made decisions with her that are irreversible... Okay, honey? Listen to us now...
" "Okay, Dad. I'm listening...
" "Irma..." my mother said, "we're moving out of here..." "Father will get out the keys, which I didn't know."
"That's great! You know, I like this house, but I also like moving. I can always get used to a new place!" I smiled at my parents, and a weight lifted from my heart, because I was afraid of this conversation
. "Irma... But we're the only ones moving out," my mother said quietly.
"What?" I replied, shocked; I hadn't realized what she'd said!
"My daughter," my father interrupted, "you won't be living with me. Here are the keys to your new apartment. Tomorrow morning, you're moving out..." My father almost shed a tear as he said this
. "But how? You can't? Why? What's going on? I... I don't understand this..." I said over and over, crying. I began to fear for our family...
"Honey, don't ask so many questions. We have to break up now.
" "What do you mean? What? Will you get a divorce? Yes? What about me? I don't count? I want a family! Not a broken one, but a whole one! I want a family!"
I started walking toward the door. I hadn't grabbed my jacket, even though it was raining heavily. I didn't care. My tears were lost in the rain, and my loud sobs were muffled by the sound of drops bouncing off the rooftops. Panic gripped me. I felt like my world had collapsed, that my life was over, that I would never be needed by anyone again. I'd never been in a situation like this. Whenever I was feeling down, I went to Eri, but now I couldn't! She couldn't tell her! I didn't want her to see me like this. I always went to her when I had a problem, and she helped me. She wouldn't help me now. I just wanted to be alone right now. But I don't know if I can handle it... I'll try! I ran through the city, passing few people. Everyone was either in pubs or at home. The rain was falling hard, so people were surprised to see me running on the street without an umbrella. I thought I'd run to the park because there wouldn't be anyone there. As I ran in, there were indeed no people. I was happy with the thought, but I sobbed anyway. Suddenly, I felt myself being pushed back and tumbled a little backward and to the side. It was definitely a man, walking without looking ahead. I ignored him and ran straight to a large tree. For a moment, I thought someone was calling my name. But it was an illusion. An illusion, like my entire life. I sat down under a large, old oak tree. Around me was a lot of noise from the wind and raindrops. I was partially shielded from the rain by the tree and its leaves, but that wasn't the best protection. My legs were drawn up, wrapped around my arms, and my head was hidden behind my hair, which was falling and growing heavier. After a moment, someone pushed my hair aside, lifted my head, and wiped the tears that were constantly streaming down my face. I looked at the figure. I was frightened, because it was someone I hadn't expected to see again—Ren. He looked dangerously into my eyes and said,
"God, Irma! Your eyes... They... They're so empty... So cold... I'm lost in them, I don't know how to get back now, which way to go?
I couldn't speak. I looked at him, and he at me. I kept crying... I couldn't move my lips, I couldn't do anything... I struggled to breathe...
" "Don't shake," he said, taking off his jacket and wrapping it around me. "That should help a little. There's a storm in your eyes now, probably in your mind too. Every new thought that mixes with the storm causes new damage. The more damage, the more worries and more pain. The emptiness in your eyes heralds more and more problems, another storm. Is it worth it? Do you want to kill yourself? The worst thing is to lose the sparkle in your eyes. You've just lost it. It's been swallowed up and lies in the abyss." Deep in your heart, which is asking you to stop crying now...
You don't know what my heart wants. My heart screams and cries... I do what it tells me...
"Since when have you been a slave to your own heart? It seems to me that your heart, right now, is incapable of joy. It's sad... But what about your soul? Does it, like your heart, make you cry? Has your soul flown out of your body, causing the emptiness in your eyes? Where is your soul? Where are YOU?
" "Here I am...
" "You are here in your body. Your soul has wandered and is no longer with you, just like you. Maybe it's in the world of dreams now, maybe in the world of memories... But it should be here! With you! Understand, it's a part of you! Don't let it escape. Without a soul, you're not human! A human is soul and body. Where's your other half? Call it, let it come back... It will help you...
" "I doubt anything will help me... You don't understand! You never will! I don't need your help... I never did... My mother always told me that a person is best on their own! Didn't your mother ever tell you that? How did she raise you? Who told you to come here?" You're meddling in my affairs, yet you have your own! What's the point of this mess? Where was your mother growing up, huh? I was shaken. "
She died... I just want to help you..." Ren replied and lowered his head
. More tears streamed down my face. His words crushed me! I'd acted like an idiot. I couldn't even say I was sorry. I was choking on my own tears and fear.
"Irma, I won't leave you now. You've met the wrong person," he hugged me tightly. "I'm not leaving here. Now cry if you need to. Do what you think is right."
Ren sat down next to me, put his arm around me, and stroked my head. He took care of me, despite my hopeless words and movements... He didn't run away from me, my problems, and my crying... I think I'd found an Angel... I don't know anyone else who would stay with me here, under the tree in the rain. It couldn't have been a coincidence that I met him. Who helped us in this encounter? Who called him? I was surprised that Ren hadn't said anything. A long time had passed, about an hour, and he was still sitting there, stroking my head. My tears had already dried up, I'd cried myself dry, and only now was I able to speak.
"Ren?" I said quietly, almost in a whisper.
"Yes?" he replied, still stroking me.
"Why are you doing all this?
" "I couldn't leave you to your fate! I wanted to help you, and I hope I succeeded, even if only in a small way. I couldn't ignore you... You're someone special...
" "No one in my life has ever helped me as much as you did. Thank you, and I'm sorry for what I said... I didn't...
" "Shhh! It's okay... Do you still want to stay here?
" "I'd rather go somewhere. But I don't know where...
" "But I know! I know a place... Are you going?
" "Look at how I look..."
"Beautiful as always! I didn't know you'd look beautiful even in my jacket. Come on..."
Ren took my head and grabbed my hand. He stood up first, pulling me along. At that moment, I didn't know if I was doing the right thing. I didn't care about anyone else's opinion. Only Ren mattered. Ren's friend... But was he really? A friend? Because of that one incident, I didn't know what to think... I wanted to get to know him better, talk to him, hug him again...
"Ren... Can I count on you?
" "If you think I'm trustworthy, then say whatever you want, I'll listen... As for me, no one will find out anything about you from my mouth...
" "Thank you. Nothing would have happened today if it weren't for the talk with my parents..."
I shyly began to recount the incident. Ren listened attentively, even though we were walking the whole time. From time to time, he looked at me, hugging me with his eyes and smiling gently. As I recounted the event, a tear welled up in my eye and ran down my chin. Ren stopped and stepped closer. It was an unusual closeness... My heart began to beat faster, and tears still welled up in my eyes. He wiped the tear gently with his finger, leaving no trace behind. He looked deep into my eyes, and I felt him drawing happiness from them. Despite the sadness surrounding me, I smiled. And all of this, thanks to him...
"Finally! Your light has returned! Your eyes are no longer sad, your soul has returned to your body. You are no longer alone...
" "And I wasn't... You were with me. You restored my light, dried my tears, broke the sadness, and frightened away the pain. I feel my heart beating faster, I feel joy...
" "And the owner of my heart? What's happening to her?
" "She's recovering, with Angel by her side..."
Ren took my hand again and kissed it. We started walking again, in an unknown direction. We were out of town. We'd left everything and everyone behind. I felt like a little child who'd been given a huge gift. I was about to experience an adventure! The first adventure of my life... With a boy. He's special. I don't think anyone else has a gift like his. Suddenly, Ren stopped and stood in front of me.
"It's right there. Turn around."
I had no choice. I turned around... And saw the view of our entire city, drenched in rain, constantly dripping loudly onto the rooftops, streets, trees... A beautiful place. Every lamp that was lit looked like a glow in a dark valley. Some houses were unlit. They were asleep, like their owners. Mountains surrounded our town, and a tiny lake filled the uninhabited area. I could even see my house. It was a bit out of the way, but it was still a city. My parents never liked cities—too much noise and bustle. That's why we have a cottage in the countryside, about 50 km from the city. We always go there together on weekends or when we have time off. It's wonderful there! I have my own horse there, which I ride whenever I feel like it. Peace and harmony prevail... Maybe it's paradise? If so, I want to live there! Truly!
- The Rhine... It's beautiful here. It reminded me of my cottage in the countryside. It's wonderful and peaceful there, just like here. Far from the city...
"I know what you're talking about. The countryside is beautiful. I go there sometimes too, but unfortunately less and less often. When will you be coming home? It's very late... Your parents are probably worried about you...
" "Don't even talk to me about them! I have to move out tomorrow! I don't even know where I'll be living! What time is it?
" "It's 11:30 PM... Maybe I'll walk you?
" "If you want to get rid of me, I'm going! Just say it!" I said, a little nervous, but deep down, I wanted Ren to walk me back."It's not about that! Your parents are worried about you, it doesn't matter what you think of them right now! Your parents love you! You love them too, even though you might think differently. I don't want to lecture you, but that's reality!
" "And how do you know that, huh? So experienced?"
"I don't know. But after my mother died, I was left alone with my father. I had to comfort him, even though it wasn't easy for me either. He cried beside me, and I cried when I fell asleep. I've missed my mother my whole life. I miss her now too. I believe she's watching over me and taking care of me. I love her, even though I only knew her for a short time. I ran away from home once, and that was my stupidest act. I scared my father, who was devastated by his financial situation, and my older sister, terrified by the whole situation, started throwing tantrums, which didn't end well for us. I acted like a puppy. When I got home, I realized how much my father was suffering. He wasn't angry with me, he was worried. He was afraid he'd lost me forever. Since then, I haven't done any foolish things. I don't run away from my father anymore. Thanks to that, our whole family got back on its feet, and we've started living normally. Now my father is happy, my sister is happy, and so am I. Isn't that how it should have been from the beginning?" Truly, our situation has improved a lot, and for the better. Now we have two houses and an apartment. I have my own because my father said I was very independent. I didn't want to live alone, so my father bought me a parrot. He told me I was always welcome at home and that I could visit when I had time. I have the keys, and it's fine. Sometimes I come, sometimes I can't because I have to study, you know. But now that my father is in the country, I have more time. That's why I come there on weekends and sometimes during the week. But nothing is that simple... So please, let me walk you home now. If you don't want to do this for your parents, then do it for me... Please.
"Okay. I'll go home. But promise me something...
" "You can tell it won't be trivial..." He looked into my eyes.
"You'll come home with me, into my room, and stay a while...
" "Okay. But promise me you won't get angry in front of your parents and that you won't cry anymore.
" "Okay." Well, let's go...
"Let's go..."
Ren and I turned toward the city and walked at a slow pace. Silence fell again. But it was very telling. I knew Ren had something to tell me, but he didn't want to talk about it now, so I didn't press him. I didn't like being dragged along. He seemed so distant, and yet I felt he was there, that he would respond to my words. Suddenly, I started talking; I don't know how something like that came to my mind...
"Can I ask you something?
" "Ask whatever you want...
" "Do you like me?
" "What do you think?
" "You don't answer a question with a question! It's rude..." I replied, smiling mischievously.
"If I answered you now, it wouldn't be confirmed. Sometimes words are nothing when you can prove something to someone. In this case, my answer would be ordinary, and I'm not known for such things. You wait, and you'll surely find out. However, if you're impatient, I sympathize.
" "I'll wait. I hope I'll be able to read your answer, as long as we keep in touch...
" "You're not complaining about a lack of friends, are you? From what I know, Eremia is great! Yoh can tell me about her day and night, and I listen to the passion with which he utters every word. He's changed so much since he fell in love. And in a good way! His eyes are full of light and joy... And what about Eremia?
" "Eri is also head over heels in love. When I sleep over at her place, he sometimes adds his own comments to his stories...
" "Meaning?"
"Such stupid slogans like, 'I'll find you a guy, and the four of us will go for walks, have pizza, and go to restaurants. I'm telling you, it'll be fun... Or even better! Write an ad in the newspaper! Someone will definitely come forward...' and he's constantly trying to find me someone. It's nice that she cares about me. I'm grateful, but...
" Yoh was looking for a girl for me too, but somehow he never found one. The best part was when I told him my dream. You know, I dreamed of some girl, but I couldn't see her face. All I remember is that we were so damn happy. I told Yoh about it, and he started looking for her.
"Did he find her?
" "Maybe he did. But it's not enough just to find her. It's important to be able to get along with someone and be able to live together in silence. That's an art.
" "You're right. Silence shouldn't be a burden for a couple...
" "Exactly. It's a very important moment in a man's and a woman's life." It encourages reflection and reveals flaws, strengths, and whether one can withstand even a storm with this person...
"You have to find harmony, be and live with yourself despite adversity..." I added.
After this conversation, I began to wonder about the meaning of silence. It exists, and no one can take it away from us. Although, when someone disturbs us, they take it away, but not forever. After a while, it returns and accompanies us again. Every day, we have to meet with it and "talk." If we can endure silence with ourselves, we have achieved some success. Maybe not a huge one, but still a success. Silence is an interesting phenomenon... But...
"Irma?" Ren said, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"Yes?
" "We're already there. This is your house...
Indeed! I didn't notice my own house! If it weren't for him, I probably would have gone somewhere, forgetting where I lived.
" "...Are you coming?
" "Yes, yes. I'm coming. But you're coming with me, right?"
- It's late, and I... I don't want to interrupt...
- But you promised... - I said, lowering my head.
I hoped Ren understood me. In that moment, in that single moment, he realized I shouldn't have come here. I really wanted to go home for him and with him. I couldn't do otherwise. But he had already made up his mind. He wanted to leave me despite the words he'd spoken. They were important to me; after all, I'd come here for them. He seemed sincere, but I was wrong! I couldn't believe it. Everything suddenly collapsed... Everything I'd built today crumbled. I began to feel powerless, and my helplessness made me feel like I was melting away. I looked at Ren, and he looked into my eyes and stepped closer to me, closer and closer. Then I felt everything spinning around me, my head a bundle of nerves, and I suddenly lost control.
I woke up and felt my head in someone's lap. I didn't want to open my eyes because it felt good. Someone was gently stroking my head and face. I was lying on something soft and felt wonderful. After a few minutes, I opened my eyes and felt a huge sense of surprise...
"You've finally woken up," Ren smiled at me. "I thought you'd never do it.
" "What happened? What time is it? How did I get here?"
"It's about 1:30. What happened is that you fainted before entering your house. Then I took you to your house and brought you to your room. I waited for you to wake up...
" "You didn't go? You stayed with me?
" "I promised," Ren smiled and winked at me.
"And what do my parents say?"
"As I suspected, they were worried about you. But it's okay now. I talked to them and they're not angry. But, unfortunately, the move is still on...
" "Fine. I'll do as my parents decided. I can't force them to stay with me because I want a family. I've realized a few things and I feel better..." I smiled gently. "Ren, can you bring me some tea?" I'd like to start packing...
"You know what, I think you should go to bed. Fainting doesn't just happen. You're tired, and the best thing to do would be to go to bed. You can pack in the morning. But if you want, I'll bring you some tea.
" "Good idea. I'll wait for the tea..."
When Ren left, I noticed that with his disappearance, I started to miss him. It was as if he had become a part of me, my life. For that one night, I grew closer to him. I missed him, even though I knew he was downstairs and would be here soon. So I got up and looked in the mirror. Honestly, I started to regret it. I looked terrible! Every hair was in a different direction, my face was tired, and there were slightly dark circles under my eyes. I decided I didn't have enough time for any adjustments, and anyway, Ren had already seen me and hadn't run away! What a brave boy. Respect to him – I smiled to myself and applied strawberry lip gloss – my favorite.
"I'm here. The tea is ready." Ren smiled gently and placed the tray on my desk.
"Thanks. What kind of tea is this?
" "Fruit tea with raspberry juice. You know, to warm you up...
" "But I didn't say I was cold...
" "But you had a rough experience today, so I figured there was nothing better than a warming tea.
" "Fine..."
I took the tea and started drinking. Of course, I must have burned my tongue and made a silly face, because Ren immediately spoke up:
"What? You don't like it?
" "It tastes good, but it's a bit too hot...
" "Because I brought hot tea... Be careful... And not too fast, because sometimes you have to slow down.
" "What are you drinking for?
" "Me? Nothing." Ren stuck out his tongue and went to get his tea.
"As for speed..." I began, "I can't agree with you. It's not always worth slowing down... But there are situations that require it. Life is a risk, after all." When you don't risk anything, you can lose a lot...
- That's why love has always attracted me...
These words reached me after a few minutes, like an echo. The word "love," which had just been uttered by his lips, sent positive, warm, and joyful vibrations. In that moment, I began to see Ren as a man, not a friend. Sure, I'd wondered about him before, but I didn't expect him to say that important word in my presence. Maybe it's not that much, maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but "love" sounds strange coming from a guy. He started being specific. I just wouldn't want it to end with another "but." My relationships so far have been terrible. None of my exes had ever uttered the word "love" in my presence, let alone in front of their friends! Ren intrigued me, and I felt we were becoming more and more connected. But it was too soon to talk about us connecting...
"I think it's high time I went home," he said after a moment, setting down his cup of tea.
"Will we see each other again?
" "If fate is kind... Take care!"
"Bye," I replied, watching him close the door to my room.
I quickly finished my tea and changed. Then I bathed and lay down on the bed. My room was now silent and unsettled. I felt like I'd reached a dead end, and to move forward, I had to choose one of the paths. And I only had two choices...
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