"You sleepyhead! How much sleep is there? I've been awake for two hours waiting for you!" said Eremia, who was standing on the balcony (in her pajamas), staring at me.
"Sorry, Eri, but I had to get some sleep... That's just my personality...
" "I wouldn't call it a character trait! It's more like laziness! I don't know how your mom puts up with you...
" "Come on! I wouldn't have slept so long if it weren't for that party!
" "I can imagine, but of course we couldn't get back home at the usual time because you didn't want to. Remember?
" "Don't tell me you had a bad time, because I won't believe it! You were with Yoh all the time and it was great, so don't talk nonsense..." I stuck my tongue out at Eri.
"It was great, I'm not denying it! But you and Ren didn't have to run away! Everyone was worried about you...
" "We didn't run away! I had to race him because he said something." And I couldn't refuse...
"What if something happened to you? You're completely crazy! Someone should steal that bike...
" "Hey! No one like that! I paid for it with my own money, so I deserve it! Ren also earned his bike. The fact that we have the same hobby should make you happy...
" "I'd rather you took up knitting!
" "What?
" "Knitting, you idiot! At least it's safe..." Eri paused for a moment, then added "sports" and smiled broadly.
"Sure! Me and knitting..." You've got to be kidding.
" "Okay, we're all chatting here, and the Chinese are getting more and more numerous. I have to go...
" "Already?
" "If you hadn't slept until 3:37, we could have talked longer. Besides, I have to go to Yoh's. I promised I'd stop there before going home. Are you coming with me?
" "I'm in my pajamas, and I don't feel like changing." And Yoh slept over at Ren's, right?
"Yes. I'm going to get dressed.
" "Okay," I replied.
Eremia went to the bathroom to get dressed. She searched for clothes for a moment (even for one night; she could pack half her wardrobe into her backpack) and left. And I stood there, like an idiot, staring straight ahead. I didn't see anything interesting, but I was still staring at one point. I remembered last night's party, or rather the part outside of it. Ren and I had gone racing. We both grabbed the garage keys and after a while, we decided on a route. I could say it wasn't a race, just a ride, but the former sounds better. We drove to a bridge, and there Ren told me to slow down, practically blocking my path. I stopped and we argued. It was about me driving too fast. He's not my father to give me orders. It didn't look good. We stood in the middle of the street, shouting at each other. He said he was worried about me, and I kept telling him it was none of his business. I ended up leaving and getting on my motorcycle. Then there was a moment of silence. I felt like I was about to start crying, so I decided to leave. But Ren came over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. I couldn't help it and drove away with a squeal. I don't know if he was angry with me, but I think he had every right to be. I'm still surprised by how I reacted. I was afraid to look him in the eye. What nonsense! I argued with him because of my own stupidity, but he wasn't blameless. If he hadn't screamed... I'm only regretting it now. I had to calm down for everything to sink in.
"Let's go!" Eri said, entering the room. "What? You're not dressed yet?! Get dressed already. Or wear your pajamas, Ren sees you like that every day.
" "I'm not going anywhere. I don't feel well...
" "As you wish." But if anything happens, I'm at Ren's apartment! So, bye." Eremia gave me a kiss on the cheek and left.
I watched him leave my room. After a moment, I could hear them talking in Ren's apartment. They were exceptionally loud, or maybe I was just overly sensitive about it and had sensitive hearing. It started to irritate me and I wanted to leave, but on the other hand, I could stay there as much as I wanted. I glanced at the neighbor's balcony and saw Ren. He was standing there, staring at the sky. I started to stare at him, and only now did I realize how much I missed him. If it weren't for the argument, everything would have turned out differently. I probably would have started throwing peanuts or almonds at him right now. But I can't. I wondered if Ren would look at me. He didn't. I guess I really was written off. In that case, I'll do it too. I turned and went to my room. Clava was sitting in an armchair, begging for a walk. I dutifully went to get dressed and was ready in a few minutes. I grabbed my cell phone just in case, in case Ren called. I only did that with him in mind. Was I stupid, or what?! We went to the forest and there I could let Clava go, while I sat on the grass and remembered our acquaintance with Ren. After a moment, my phone rang. I pulled it out of my bag and answered it with my eyes closed.
"Hello?" I said hopefully
. "Irma?" I heard a woman's voice, making me open my eyes in surprise.
"Yes. And who's this?
" "You don't remember me anymore. Mother, I've been away from Poland for a year, and you've already forgotten about your own sister!
" "Adelajda?" I asked, not hiding my surprise.
"Well, why are you so surprised?
" "Why are you calling?
" "Thanks for the warm welcome... I'll be home in four hours. I mean, in my apartment, so tell Mom.
" "She's not home yet. She's still in the hospital...
" "And how is Father feeling?
" "I don't know...
" "What do you mean you don't know?" I began to wonder what she meant.
"Normal! I don't know, and that's it, why are you asking?
" "I wanted to know if the doctors have said anything new about his health. I see you won't help me."
- What doctors? What are you talking about?
- Didn't your mom tell you? You don't know why... Well, yeah... You'll find out tonight. I have to go now... Bye! Take care!
Adelaide simply hung up and left me with these messages. I could only guess what was going on. What was wrong with my father? I knew something had happened. Maybe that's why he hadn't spoken to me all these days? I blamed him, but it wasn't necessarily up to him. In that moment, I decided something important. I'm going to the hospital to find my mother and an explanation! I called out to Clava, but she didn't come running to me. So I had to call her even louder. Then I looked up at my apartment. I saw Ren standing on his balcony, still looking at the sky. I felt guilty! It was impossible to hide it! I quickly ran towards the apartment building, opened the door, and ran up the stairs to the apartment. I immediately unhooked the leash and let Clava in. I got out, grabbed the motorcycle keys, and locked the door. I ran down to the garage and drove out. On the way, I started thinking about everything, about how this would turn out. But what was I supposed to tell my mother? That I know the truth? Except I don't know what exactly it is. I know there's something troubling about my father, but what?! Surely my mother should have told me such things. Unless she didn't want to be honest with me... There are two possibilities. Either my father is fine, or they were both hiding my father's poor health from me. I wonder which one is true and more real. I hope the first one... It's more... Hmm... Optimistic! Thinking about my father and mother, I reached the hospital. I entered the ward and went to my mother's office. Unfortunately, I didn't find her there. I looked for a doctor and asked,
"Good morning! Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for my mother...
" "What's my mother's name?
" "Oh, sorry, I'm looking for Dr. Gabriela
." "She should be in her office.
" "Unfortunately, she's not there.
" "She'll be in my husband's room. Do you know how to get there?
" "Neither...
" "Please go down that corridor, turn left, and the room should be on the right. Room number is 29.
" "Thank you very much!" Goodbye!
- Goodbye!
The doctor went his way, and I headed towards the room. I walked, feeling my heart begin to pound. I felt that from that moment on, my life would change dramatically. For better or worse? I didn't know. I saw a door with the number 29. It was there. I gently opened the door and saw my mother. She was sitting with her back to me, her head bent over the bed. Could it be that my father was lying in that bed? I hope not. After a moment, the door creaked, and my mother turned her head. I saw the surprise on her face and saw that she was crying. I walked closer, and she stood up. I took a few more steps forward to see the patient. I couldn't believe it was my father. He looked different than usual. Around his bed were many electrical devices, all connected to him. His face was pale, blue, and emaciated. He looked terrible. I didn't even know when a tear began to form in my eye. Dad offered me his hand, which I shook.
"Hello, my daughter!"
"Hello, Father!
" "Honey," he said to my mother, "please leave us alone." Then my mother left and closed the door behind her.
"You shouldn't have come here... Unfortunately, for as long as I can remember, you've been curious.
" "Dad, what's going on? What's this all about?
" "You've just discovered the reason for our separation...
" "What? What reason? I don't understand...
" "You see, I'm sick. Very sick. My days are numbered. I knew this illness brings suffering, pain, and, above all, changes to my appearance. Your mother and I decided it would be better if you didn't see it. It's better not to know than to watch the illness destroy you. I know this from experience. After all, I'm a doctor and I've had the opportunity to observe the progression of this illness. You've come at the worst moment. I don't know how many days until death; maybe I'll even die today, but I didn't want you to see me like this. I wrote you letters every day and I have them with me." After my death, you were supposed to get them. But what should I do now?
Father looked at me, and I at him. I couldn't say a word. Tears streamed endlessly down my face.
"You're silent... What does that mean?"
"Father, I'd rather know the worst truth than be treated like this...
" "Are you sure, honey? Because I'm not..." Yes, I have doubts whether my decision was the right one. But look at it from a different perspective. If you'd known about the illness for a month, how would you have behaved?
" "I don't know. I think I'd be sad...
" "Exactly! You wouldn't be able to concentrate or do things that are important to you. You wouldn't see your friends, you'd just be in the hospital. Is that wise?
" "Yes, because Dad...
" "What, Dad?" Father interjected. "Nothing! I'll die, like everyone else! Does it matter when?
" "It matters... For me, it matters..."
"Okay, but you can't stop death. You can only slow it down. I know that as a doctor. And here, in the hospital, I was held for a really long time. And believe me, I'm completely fed up with it.
" "I understand...
" "I don't think so. You'll understand in a while. You have to analyze everything, think it over...
" "Dad? Thank you for explaining it all to me. You know, Adelaide is coming today.
" "When exactly?
" "In the evening, at 8:00 PM.
" "To be honest, I don't think I'll see her again...
" "Are you serious?
" "I don't know. When I talked to the patients, they sensed the day they would die. If I sensed it correctly, I think today will be the end. But don't tell your mother anything!
" "Okay, Dad." More tears streamed down my face.
"Don't cry, my daughter. You know I will always love you and always be with you.
" "I would like to die with you, but things are getting complicated here...
" "Don't say that... Your time will come. And who dictates the terms here?" "He smiled gently
. "God," we replied, holding hands.
"Dad, I had a fight with someone I think I love... What should I do?
" "What do you mean? Tell him how you feel! And quickly! If you don't have the strength, I'll help you from heaven. You'll see, everything will work out.
" "Only... He seems to have forgotten me...
" "You're impossible to forget. You're too loud," Dad laughed, "and very stubborn. I believe you'll get your way. But the most important thing is not to hide your feelings! That's the biggest mistake in life. The word 'I love you' means too much to keep it to yourself..."
"Thank you. You have a gift! Besides, you're a huge gift yourself." I kissed his forehead. "I love you so much, Dad!"I love you too, little daughter!"
I laid my head on my father's shoulder and after a moment, I heard his heart stop beating. I didn't get up. His hand was in mine, and his other was holding me. Tears involuntarily covered my face. I couldn't believe it was over. I believed it was the beginning of his new life. He was happy now! This illness had stopped tormenting him. I think he'd even managed to prepare me for this moment. I lay there and stopped thinking. I was still holding his hand tightly, but I didn't feel his embrace returned. My mother came in and knew what had happened. She looked at me and slowly walked over to the appliances, turning them off. When she finished, she left and closed the door behind her. I was grateful that she understood me. I sat there next to my father until someone interrupted.
"Irma, we have to go home. Your sister will be at our apartment in 10 minutes. Get ready.
" "Do we have to?
" "Yes. If you want, leave the bike here and...
" "No, thanks. I'll manage. I'll meet you at the house.
" "Okay, bye.
" "Bye."
I slowly stood up and looked at my father's face. He died with a smile on his lips. I kissed his forehead and made the sign of the cross there.
"Goodbye and see you later! I love you!"
I left the room and headed towards the parking lot. There were few cars and only one motorcycle. I got on it and rode home. I wasn't going fast because I could feel my mother's eyes on me, hovering over my tail. I didn't want her to worry about me, so I decided not to speed up. I stopped in front of the house, followed by my mother.
"Where's your helmet? Why were you going so fast?
" "Mom, stop.
" "Mom! Irma!" someone shouted, running towards us
. "Adelaide?" I replied.
"It's me!" She stopped suddenly. "Don't you recognize me?"
"Er... No," I replied after a moment
. "What do you mean? I just cut my hair a little, but it's still blonde!
" "Well, actually... Okay, fine! Bye!" – I hugged my sister, whom I hadn't seen for a year.
– Hi, honey! – said my mother, who had kissed my sister from head to toe (or vice versa)
. – How's father?
– He died a moment ago… – I replied, lowering my head and approaching the staircase
. – Not a moment ago. He died about two hours ago. Irma was sitting with him today…
– And what did dad tell you?
– What you already knew! Why we moved out and all that…
– And anything more?
– Nothing more, because he died…
– I'm sorry, Irma. I didn't know you didn't know… Mom! You were supposed to tell her…
– We were supposed to, but there was no time.
– Come to the apartment…
I opened the door and they came in. Something tempted me to call Ren on the intercom. And it happened… I pressed the button and waited…
– Hello?
– Uh… Is Ren here?
– He is, but he's very busy. As far as I know, he doesn't want visitors today…
– And what happened?
– Long story. I don't think Ren would want me spreading such things. Who's talking?
"Never mind. Goodbye.
" "Irma?
" "Yes," I replied reluctantly, "what?
" "Then wait, I'll call him!
" "No, don't! I need to think things over before I talk to him.
" "Fine, if you want. Should I tell him something?"
"You know what, Yoh, do what you think is right! But you can open the door for me! Bye!
" "Okay! Bye, Irma!"
Yoh opened the door for me, and I went upstairs. I ran up the stairs and opened the door. Mom's voice greeted me:
"Irma, bring Ren so Adelaide can meet him.
" "But why?
" "Should I go get him?
" "No! Forget it. You'll meet him another time."
My mother pointed to a chair, meaning I was supposed to sit at the table with them. Suddenly, a conversation began.
"We're moving to our house. Or rather, we're going back there.
" "What's all this fuss about? I'm staying here! I'm an adult and I don't plan on going back anywhere!
" "We're giving the apartment away !"
"No! I'll pay regularly, you'll see!
" "I'll think about it. Irma, the letters from my father are in a box at the hospital. You'll get them tomorrow and you can read them. And you," she pointed at Adelaide, "keep your mouth shut!
" "Why?" my sister replied
. "Because if I tell you to keep quiet with my father, then you have to keep quiet!
" "I don't think so. Look at it from a different perspective! If it weren't for me, my father would never have seen Irma again!
" "Do you know how much she must have suffered? Can you imagine that? Have you ever—
" "Stop it! It's over! It's my business whether I suffered or not! It's my business and my life! Leave me alone! I'm leaving! Don't even look for me!"
- But Irma! - Mom got up and tried to catch up with me.
I slammed the door and ran out of the apartment. I'd had enough. Now I only dreamed of one thing: a quick ride. I got on my bike and looked up at the kitchen window. My mom and sister were standing there. This didn't stop me, and I took off with a screech of tires on one wheel. I rode straight ahead, not looking at the odometer. But after a moment, something tempted me to check the fuel. It turned out to be a bad one. I pulled into a gas station and filled up. I had cash in my leather jacket for a rainy day. A moment later, I drove off. I stared at the road and felt the wind rushing into my eyes. I hadn't brought a helmet, but I remembered I had one in the glove compartment. I always kept it there in case it rained. I hated riding in it because everything felt pointless then. I felt the wind whip me in the face. Was it pleasant? No, but it was exciting. It was late and dark. Suddenly, I remembered the place where everything had changed. No, not the hospital. I drove to the bridge where I'd argued with Ren. It was closed to traffic, but still standing. Few people rode it, probably none at all. I stopped in the middle of the street and parked my bike. I lay down on the road and lay there for a few minutes. I felt the still-warm asphalt warm my back. I hadn't realized anyone could be coming. I closed my eyes, almost afraid to open them. But I had to do it anyway. I sat down, then after a moment, stood up and walked to the edge of the bridge. I stared at the water, the gently blowing wind creating various rippling patterns. Suddenly, I heard someone approaching. I didn't have the strength to move and didn't even hear it fully. Just a strange humming in my head. I shut myself off from the outside world and continued to stare straight ahead in my leather suit. For a moment, I was disoriented, as I felt someone embrace me from behind. Could it be? Was it Ren? Yes, it was. After a moment, I knew I was safe. I turned and hugged him tightly.
"How did you know I was here?"
"I was on the balcony and saw you leave. I got scared and went to your mother. She told me everything and I came. My heart felt you and brought me here.
" "Thank you. I wanted to apologize...
" "You don't have to.
" "What were you doing that made you so busy today?
" "I was wondering how I could apologize, what to say. But I didn't realize it was best to keep quiet. A moment like this is the most important.
" "I agree. We've proven more than once that we can live in silence and haven't killed each other yet.
" "Surprisingly," Ren laughed. "You know, when Yoh told me it was you, I went to the intercom, but you'd already come in. I wanted to open the door and surprise you, but Yoh stopped me. He said not yet. What did you tell him?"
"I need to think this all over again before we meet... I don't regret what I did, because we might not have met here.You're right..." he kissed my forehead
. "Are we going?
" "I don't have a motorcycle... I came by taxi.
" "I'll take you. But of course, I'm driving...
" "Okay... But where are we going?
" "You'll see where..."
I pulled his hand and we got on the motorcycle. After a while, we were moving forward. I was going quite fast. The road was empty, it was just us, on our own. I felt Ren holding me tight, as if he was afraid I'd fall. A few minutes later, I heard,
"Irma, slow down. You're going too fast."
I wanted to listen to him, but I couldn't. I didn't speed up, I just maintained my speed. His hands tried to hold me even tighter, but it didn't help. We were still going 200 km/h. Good thing the road wasn't potholed—it was a highway, after all.
"Slow down... You're really going too fast!" "
I thought he liked to go fast... Had I overdone it? I would have slowed down for him, but I... I can't...
" "Damn it! I'm not kidding! You have to slow down right now!"
Then I shed a tear, and Ren saw it. He didn't know what I was talking about, he couldn't have known.
"Honey, please put on your helmet," I started
. "Me and your helmet? You've got to be kidding. But if you want, I can get you...
" "No, I don't want to! You put it on.
" "What do you mean?
" "It's getting cold, I don't want you to catch a cold.
" "Slow down...
I didn't do that...
" "Slow down!"
Then Ren got angry and moved closer to me. I felt his whole body brush against my clothes. Suddenly, he put his hand on mine and tried to brake. And nothing. He tried again, but to no avail. Then he took my hand and hugged me tightly. I think he knew what I meant. The brakes weren't working, so I couldn't slow down. I had no idea why, but I knew it was my bike, so I should die.
"Put on your helmet.
" "No! You have to put it on!" I replied, almost shouting.
"You know it's the only way to...
" "Yes, I know, that's why I'm asking you to put it on.
" "I refuse.
" "You can't! I'm the driver here! Don't annoy me! I'm asking you for the last time! Put on your damn helmet!
" "Unfortunately, I'm forced to refuse you once again."
"What's the point of this nonsense? Is it so hard to put on a helmet and drive?
" "Perhaps you could explain it to me?
" "Why me?
" "Because as far as I know, and I'm asking, you don't want to wear a helmet either...
" "I'm a different story! " "
You're a human being..."
"I am, so what?
" "I don't see the difference..."
"But I'm the driver, so I'm in charge! Put on your helmet, please...
" "You've already asked, and I'm refusing again!
" "But why?
" "Because I love you..."
I was silent for a moment. I felt my heart pounding, and a tear rolled down my cheek and touched my hair.
"And that's why I'm asking you," Ren finished, "put on your helmet and let me save you.
" "I can't do it... If neither of us wants this helmet, you can throw it away."
"I can't...
" "Why?
" "If you change your mind and want it, I'll hold onto it and I'll be there to help you, no matter what!
" "Ren, this is the end...
" "No, Irma, this is just the beginning...
" "Ren?
" "Yes?
" "I love you..."
As I said those words, my heart was still beating like crazy, and then I kissed him. I'll never forget that kiss. It was so passionate and true. His words kept replaying in my head. The way he said he loved me... Thank you, Dad, for the strength and love you gave me. Mom, thank you for life and motherly care, which, along with love, gave me wisdom. Sister, thank you for being there. Ren moved closer to me again, his body flush against mine. His hands intertwined with mine, warming mine and gently guiding us towards the enormous tree.
"Are you sure?
" "As much as I love you!"
At that moment, I began to turn towards the tree. His lips touched my cheek. Then I noticed how close we were to our destination, but could you even call it a destination? I don't know. I saw the tree coming towards us and closed my eyes. Suddenly, I felt a strange force that threw Ren and me from the bike. After a moment, I felt pain and a sharp sting. I began to feel ice all over my body, even though I was still with him. Ren was still holding me. Our bodies, souls, and hearts were intertwined, forming a unity that no one would be able to separate. Why? I guess this is what people have been calling love for centuries...
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