Smurf story

Dear reader, imagine yourself suspended in midair above some ocean. And what do you see? Because I see an immensity of calm waters soothing the senses and giving peace to the soul. And then... No! It's impossible. I have to look again. Gosh, Julek, I see a ship, a ship full of blue creatures. There's a terrible noise all around it. No... I can't look at it.

Although, on the other hand, I can't leave it without a single word... Maybe it would be best if I started writing this story again, but in a different way. So:

On the deck of the Smurf Ship, the blue people were sailing. Papa Smurf was drinking vodka and watching Smurfette dancing on the mast, Brainy Smurf was throwing stones into the water and pretending to calculate something, and Jokey was learning new splits. All the adult Smurfs were furious at the little Smurfs running around the deck.

"Sasetko! Ladies don't run like that!" she admonished little Smurfette.

"Auntie, when it's fun to run!"

"Smurfette, they're children! Let them have fun, and you dance, you're doing great!" shouted the Smurfette, lifting the barbell.

Generally speaking, these were party-loving Smurfs. Alcohol bottles were strewn across the deck of their ship, and loud techno music blared. They all shouted and cursed loudly. They fought for no reason. But don't be afraid! These weren't the Smurfs from the evening show – sure, they had the same names and looked the same, but they were completely different creatures. So, where did they come from? It's simple: the artist who drew these blue figures created two drawings – one he gave to a storybook studio, and the other he put in a bottle and threw it into the sea. When the bottle reached the shore of an island thousands of miles from land, the Smurfs awoke from their slumber and began to live their own lives. They built a village and lived there peacefully. After decades, they even acquired a television. And then they saw themselves in the fairy tales. Well... it wasn't them. It was their twin brothers. From then on, tension and aggression began to rise in the Smurf village. Parties, heavy drinking, and intense music began. One day, the furious Smurfs decided to sail to Hollywood itself to give the Smurfs, whom people admired from the fairy tales, a hard time.

They built a large barge, christened it "The Smurf Ship," smashed a bottle of champagne on it, and left their island forever. They thought their journey would last only an hour, but what happened? The Smurfs sailed and sailed... and sailed... and sailed some more, until they finally reached it. Then they all shouted together, "Go! Let's go after the bandits, our doppelgangers, get their hands on them!" Then they grabbed baseball bats and boldly set off for the city of fame. Passing through its fabulous gates, they felt as if supernatural strength and power had descended upon them. They no longer wanted to fight. They wanted to become idols to thousands of people! YES! This was their goal—this was their desire, this was their longing. This was their goal. Their great goal, which they would most likely achieve. Yes. As the author, I will allow them to fulfill their spontaneous desires. After all, these Smurfs had lived on the brink of damnation and in the shadow of their doppelgangers until now. And that shouldn't be the case! So, when the Smurfs entered the streets of Hollywood, they simultaneously entered a new life.

"Yeah," the big shot began, "I always admired that little boy, that... that caveman who shouted 'Ja ba da ba du!' and remember? That little boy of his used to say: bah bah. I always wanted to say that too. And now I have a baseball bat and I can blow this whole town away with it. Yes! I want to be a star like bah-bah! My name will be Bah-bohun. Nice, right?

" "And I... I always liked it when they sang in church..." Smurfette mused. "I wish... I've had enough! I've had enough of dancing on the dance floor and feeling the disgusting eyes of drunk Smurfs! No more! It's not fun anymore. I'll sing in church every Sunday now." I don't have to be famous like Brainy, who, on top of that, copies," she contemptuously concluded her monologue.

"Smurfette! I'm Brainy. I've written three books. Three wise, life-affirming books. In one of them, I described how the only path to success is fame. And the ends justify the means.

" "Brainy is right, Smurfette," Papa Smurf looked at her for a moment and added in a lower voice, "will you dance for me one last time, sweetie?

" "No! Never again! No more of this... this terrible exploitation of my body! No more!

" Having said these emphatic words, Smurfette spun on the left heel of her pristine white slipper and headed for the nearest church to sing aloud. The Smurfs stared at her in amazement, but after a few minutes of such overwhelming astonishment, they continued further into the city.

"You know what? "Zgrywus began. "I've been thinking for a few years now about making beats like DJs. You know, they mix fancy tracks and turn them into super hits that you can happily smurf to.

" "Bits...?" Ważniak asked, dumbfounded. "What do you need beats for? If you had your own Bojzbend, it would make sense."

"Bojzbend..." Papa Smerf pondered, "bojzbend..." So, for example, Wenczer bojs?

"Yes!" exclaimed the enthusiastic Ważniak, "or Fał Blok. I wrote a book about it. I know a lot about it. You could even say I'm an expert on the subject.

" "Hmm... My Smurfs! I have an idea! Let's start a bojzbend band. Poet will write our lyrics, Zgrywus will make our beats, Smurfette will come up with dance routines, and the rest of the Smurfs will sing!

" "That's a good idea!" all the Smurfs shouted together.

After this, they went to the Wenczer Mjuzik Bi-Aj-Em-Pi Amerika record label and were very warmly welcomed there. Sponsors immediately recognized their great talents, and thanks to this, the Smurfs almost immediately recorded their first album: "Smerf Hits 1," which sold millions of copies worldwide. But the worst part for these Smurfs was that their listeners thought they were from a fairy tale. This infuriated them! Because they worked their asses off, while the Smurfs' popularity grew.

One day, Papa Smurf from the Smurfs' band decided to have a chat with Papa Smurf from the cartoons. They met at a fancy restaurant, slowly sipping whiskey on the rocks and discussing business. Together, they decided it would be better not to make people aware of their duality. They decided to keep it a secret. They signed an agreement under which the music awards went to the Smurf musicians, and the film awards went to the Smurf actors.

This agreement was never broken, so from then on, the Smurfs held no grudges or complaints against each other. You could even say they were friends – they enjoyed "Smurf Hits" together and even traveled to warm countries. And that was the end of their story.

And what happened to the ocean, which we initially observed together through the eyes of our imaginations? Well, nothing – it continued to stand calmly and undulate rhythmically. The rebellious Smurfs only briefly disturbed the peace of its vast waters, and most importantly – they didn't throw any bottles into the water.