He'd never felt so awkward in front of her as he did today. Not even on their first date. But tonight was going to change everything. He looked at her and saw that she was guessing something. She sat there, staring straight into his eyes, as if she could read everything in them, his intentions, his thoughts.
Suddenly, the waiter broke the awkward silence:
"Good evening, would you like something to drink? "
His English sounded more like the sounds of an old typewriter.
"Damn it. Why is this guy speaking to us in English? He immediately decided we didn't speak Spanish?" "
No, thank you, you can leave!
" "If not him, at least I'll speak my native language."
At that moment, a million thoughts were running through his head. Yet he was able to even notice a waiter who, in his opinion, didn't belong in this restaurant. A Spanish macho type. Built on protein, doused in wax, carved by atlas, burned by the biggest star. Despite this, a tattoo caught his eye, reminiscent of those from Hollywood tragedies. The colorful dragon on his right shoulder is rather unusual for waiters in good restaurants. Maybe he just thought he'd chosen a good restaurant, maybe it was just a cover for the Spanish mafia.
"What are you thinking about? I can see you're absent!" she interrupted his thoughtless thoughts.
"Nothing important, I'm sorry. I'd like to have a serious talk with you." He finally dared, but his heart raced, and he couldn't control his hands. He moved them energetically only so she wouldn't see his fear. "
I figured it out; you've been lost in thought all day. I hope nothing happened." Her voice suggested she was composed, but her eyes spoke volumes. They begged for truth, honesty, a word of explanation.
He'd seen those eyes before. At their first official meeting. A lonely one, without friends, just them. She'd looked at him with those eyes then, too, keeping her in suspense. When he couldn't bear to look at her sad eyes anymore, he took her hand and placed it over his heart. "Do you feel it? It's you. You're the only one who can do that. You're there, and you're going crazy. You'll stay there as long as you want, until you get bored. Only you can make it stop feeling, stop going crazy. I'm not asking you for a home, a family, a life for better or for worse, until death do us part. I'm only asking you to continue going crazy there."
He remembered it like it was yesterday. That's why he had to do it today. Today was their fifth anniversary. He had to refer to that conversation. The last period of their relationship had demanded it. He knew those words had to be changed.
"I wanted to give you something..." He paused for a moment. This was the moment he dreaded, the moment when doubt crept in. Reflections on whether he was doing the right thing or the wrong thing. Maybe it wasn't meant to be this way, maybe he shouldn't talk about it at all, hold off for a while longer.
"Did you buy me something?" Her true character immediately appeared on her face. Full of joy, life, love.
At that moment, he reached under the table. He knew he couldn't back out. He knew that what he did would change his life forever. He also knew he wanted to do it. Now he was sure.
"I wanted to do it here. In the same place where I met you..." He fell silent and pulled a teddy bear from under the table. He placed it on the table and waited. He could afford very expensive gifts, but he knew that in this case, the teddy bear would be perfect.
"It's beautiful, how did you manage to hide it from me all this time?"
"I wasn't hiding it, I simply knew you wouldn't look for it." This teddy bear is me, and I want... please, take it with you everywhere you go when you leave. Now take your hand and put it in the same place you did five years ago.
Surprised by these words, she didn't know what to do at first. Hesitantly, she placed her hand on the teddy bear's chest.
"Now, check if you still live there, or if you're still going crazy."
Only then did she notice the stitches in that spot. She could only guess what was there. Despite her best efforts, she couldn't get her hands to the sewn-in compartment. She took a knife and slowly and gently began to cut the stitches. She put her hand in and suddenly smiled at him. She stood up and threw herself into his arms.
"Yes. I want to be with you. Until death..." a voice broke his kiss.
********
He had never been as angry with her as he was today. Tonight was supposed to change everything. She knew it well. She sat and looked straight into his eyes, as if she could read everything in them, his intentions, his thoughts. She didn't think she would ever find out.
"Maybe you could explain this to me? You're my wife, I deserve an explanation." He just wanted to know why, like most people in such situations want to know what was wrong.
"It happened so suddenly, besides, I don't have to explain anything to you." She didn't know what to say to him, she was only thinking about one thing.
"You know it has to end. After all these years, you're doing something like this." He had to be firm; the situation, her actions, demanded it. "
Everything passes, I can't explain it any other way. You're still important, but it's not the same. Goodbye." She stood up, composed as ever. "
Now I can only think that you were with me for my money." He had no idea how to talk anymore.
"And I looked at you like that for my money?" She stood up, flustered, and left.
He quickly thought about this conversation and ran out of the apartment. He ran into the street but didn't see her. He looked around like a lost little child searching for his mother. He almost burst into tears. Then he saw her walking and disappearing around the corner. He ran faster than he had at his high school race. Around the corner, he collapsed to the ground. The streetlamp flashed with varying frequency; he didn't think about why it was broken, didn't think about the fact that he was lying on the ground. He was thinking about who he was seeing. She was standing with another person.
"If only you'd let me go..." There was a touch of pity, irony, and above all, compassion in her voice.
He didn't know what exactly had happened, only that everything was slipping away, that everything was gray. He forced himself to open his eyes tightly, and suddenly the streetlamp glowed brighter, illuminating them. Two people looking at him. His last thought in this world. The severing seams of a teddy bear and the triad.
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