God was outraged. How could this be? What was happening there? This can't continue! Appropriate preventative measures must be taken. Appropriate decisions must be made and the statistics must be changed. In recent centuries, things had somehow worked out so strangely that Hell was gaining a larger percentage of souls than Heaven. This was a disturbing phenomenon for certain circles of Heaven, so the Council of Heaven implemented the motion of a certain Peter "the Rock" Saint, to change the conditions of stay in Heaven. This motion contained only one postulate. Namely, it introduced the principle "Do what you will." Saint Peter got the idea for this postulate during his last visit to Earth, in the first months of the last year before the end of the world. This was a crucial time for the Council of Heaven, as the time for counting the souls in the competing organizations was approaching. For Saint Peter, this was all the more important because he, along with his colleague from Hell, Lucifer the Mischievous, were tasked with organizing the Final Count, commonly known by people as the Last Judgment.
Both parties still had a lot of time, but the nervousness was already visible on the faces of everyone involved, sparked by the announcement of a certain small, stuttering man in red glasses and a yellow shirt, who claimed he didn't care about any of this, and that nothing interested him, because his Orchestra would play until the end of the world and one day longer.
God was close to rage. What do you mean, one day longer? What the hell is this guy up to? We promised him the position of leading angel, and he's still picky?
It's worth mentioning that leading angel was an exceptionally lucrative position, awarded honorarily. The role came with no responsibilities, except for the ceremonial ones, but the benefits were enormous. The leading angel could do literally anything without worrying about God's permission. He also had priority in repopulating Earth, which would be renewed after the Final Reckoning.
In any case, the little, stuttering man with the red glasses and yellow shirt was clearly not entirely happy with Heaven's offer and wanted to have a day longer than the others, which didn't sit well with the Reckoning Assembly. But the title of leading angel had been bestowed upon him before his death, so they didn't have much say in the matter. They could only silently criticize, which was met with an immediate reaction from God, who penetrated their minds and punished them for their disobedience. However, it's true that even God was disgusted by the actions of the little, stuttering man with the red glasses and yellow shirt, but he couldn't revoke the title and punish the offender. This would mean he had made a mistake in giving him that title, and that would result in a loss of authority in the eyes of the Council, which was unthinkable, especially on the eve of the Final Count!
So the "Do whatever you want" principle was implemented, and it proved to work brilliantly. Souls arrived by the millions, received immediate absolution, and experienced the beauty of Heaven in all its glory. There were even two instances when high-ranking representatives of Hell requested absolution and asylum in Heaven. Clearly, Heaven offered a better prospect for eternity than Hell, which was paved solely with good intentions. The rest of Hell's landscape consisted of bottles without holes (the first Pole to find a way to open them, however, found a way to do so millions of years ago). Heaven, on the other hand, looked like the most beautiful oasis for all seeking peace. However, just a few days after the "Do whatever you want" principle was implemented, incredible parties had been taking place here and there on the shores of the white ocean, where angels and the newcomers were intensely bonding. Everyone was happy.
Despite this, the faces of the dignitaries of Heaven and Hell were incredibly tense. However, it wasn't so much caused by the Final Counting as by the announcements of the little, stuttering man in red glasses and a yellow shirt that he wouldn't stop. And then they would have to wait another 29 billion centuries for the Final Counting. The closer it got to December 31, 2043, the more nervous everyone became.
Finally, the day longed for by both Parties arrived. In a secret agreement, they agreed to send Death to fetch the little, stuttering man in red glasses and a yellow shirt. However, even Death couldn't get him to speak and returned in despair.
Everyone was gripped by a palpable sense of dread. Would we have to wait so many centuries again? Was there nothing to be done? How could he be convinced? What should be done? What should be done?
God and Satan finally reached an agreement and together they went to the little, stuttering man in red glasses and a yellow shirt to convince him to leave the world.
When they met the little stuttering man in red glasses and a yellow shirt, he was preparing the program for another punk rock concert, which both newcomers loved. The little stuttering man in red glasses and a yellow shirt told the newcomers, whom he had known for a while, about the bands that were scheduled to perform, which they really enjoyed. He showed them statistical charts reflecting the demand for his Orchestra and revealed that this year the entire event would be hosted by Mariusz Mix Kolanko. That was enough. God and Satan were in a frenzy of joy. Such a great party! Incredible! This guy has a knack for organizing! You can't miss this! They took one look at each other and knew that the Final Counting would be a bust. They both remembered their college days, when they'd partied together at parties that lasted forever. They also knew well that the little stuttering man in red glasses and a yellow shirt's parties were always incredibly successful. They decided: We'll postpone the Final Count until another date. They agreed on a common version of events, which they had to present to their Party Councils, hugged the little stuttering man in red glasses and a yellow shirt, and went back to their place.
The little stuttering man in red glasses and a yellow shirt, not hiding his satisfaction, simply stammered: "Hey there!"
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